My W is someone with a great deal of pride. one of her BF's recently was subjected to an A by her H. All this makes me think that she would never come clean - she would rather maintain face then ever admit to any wrong doing. I think this is part of what's driving her away, she'd rather leave then openly discuss this. She's drowning in her own guilt and shame.

Perhaps premature but how can I let her know that it would be safe to discuss and that she is loved by me no matter what? Trust is gone between us (me for snooping, and her for the A) so even though I offer reassuring words they are not believed and she probably struggles to see any up for R based on what she saw with her BF.

Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17