Doing everything wrong...

[PacLove]

Boy had I wish I found this site 8 months ago, that's when I first had serious suspicions of an A and confronted my W. She said she needed space and was on the verge of moving out, I convinced her to stay and actually started reading the DB book back then but got distracted when things actually started to improve for a short bit.

Time goes on, I try to be the "perfect husband", forced her to counselling and have been pushy and needy. Even showered her with gifts. What I now realize is that's only been pushing her further away from me and closer to him. I had become obsessive with watching her too which didn't help the sich.

2 weeks ago she sad she's moving out at the end of the month for some space, I again confronted her about the A (with more proof but nothing solid) she again denied it says she's not interested in dating and has no desire for sex.

This week I got confirmation the A is real, it was actually a bit of a relief to put all my suspicions behind me. I now know what's really going on.

I've got 1 week left under the same roof then we will be separated. I started getting out this week on my own, holding back on any communication unless necessary and trying to apply the 37 rules. This weekend our child wants us to do things as a family for Easter, so I will muscle through it but will focus my interactions on my child and less so on my W.

The hardest part is thinking and knowing that when she's with the OM. She's definitely in a deep fog and has been trying to convince me to get out - even see other women (she's trying to give me permission as if to justify her own indiscretions).

She talks about a future at times, we've shared some laughs and she often engages in conversation - this gives me some splintering of hope but again it's hard to believe anything from her right now. She says she's not interested in D, wants to keep the family unit together in some shape or form but how exactly she hasn't figured that out (Cake eating?)

She's turned away from her faith, I on the other hand have committed myself to daily prayer as one way to get through this.

Looking for support more then anything, part of me wants to confront one last time with the hard evidence I now have, but part of me thinks that will just push her away further. Early on in our relationship she spoke out harshly against A's.

In all the reading I've done online there seems to be 3 very different approaches which is probably been the most confusing for me - hard to know which one works best as they all claim success:

1) Confront and expose (shake them out of the fog)
2) Love and ignore (Show them what they will leave)
3) Detach and GAL (Give them space to come to their own terms)

Knowing my wife, or at least thinking I know her, she doesn't like to be controlled (control issues from her Childhood) so 3 would probably be the best course of action. It's just hard to sit idly by.