Quick backstory: Hubby and I divorced 13ish years ago and remarried 10 years ago. No children. We spent the first 6 yrs. of our new marriage in a sexless, semi-together, mostly arguing state. Then he lost his job. During the two years he was unemployed, he came to see me differently and our marriage thrived. We both lost a bunch of weight, and our sex life returned and was finally what I would call a normal sex life. We were both extremely in love with each other. Then he found a new job which gave him a promotion. He works directly under the owner, manages two buildings and 40ish employees. He works all the time. As the work piled on, the sex died out. I have had a huge chip on my shoulder about that and let myself gain 50 pounds. We haven't had sex in almost three years now.
Soooooo, he comes home two days ago and says he loves me but misses the intimacy and is not "in" love with me. He says he doesn't think he can ever get back to where we were but wants to be friends. After the first divorce, we were NOT friends, and I was NEVER going to be his friend. He now worries that I will refuse to be a friend and will cut him off from my family (literally the only persons he has left in his family are his elderly father and aunt).
I am trying to reach back to my old days of Dbing and trying to stay calm and collected and unemotional. I have told him that it didn't matter if he had been trying to fall back "in" love with me because I had not been doing the same. I asked him to give us 6 months to actively try to come together before we planned on divorcing. He has agreed but is afraid I am setting myself up for failure.
Any advice on how to proceed without it looking like I am just making due?
