Feeling lost

[srt]

Just back from an easter walk with W and S&D.
Managed to arrange holidays after some friction, I was annoyed W had started to make plans for days and arragements etc without first arranging who would have kids when in hols - row etc, but sorted it fine the next day.
Felt I had to stand up for myself here - said I wanted to be able to plan things too and couldn't until we knew where kids were.
In row wife said she had actually started to miss the 4 of us doing things together, but then said the row was "why we could never work".

Anyway walk today was good fun, W though would not sit next to me when kids were playing - noticed this but didn't let it bother me. She has also yet to pick up any mail from M home. Many of her possesions are still here but she is very slowly - as in one item a month, taking some things as and when she needs them.

Wife is also telling me lots of things that are going in her life, news about friends, family etc. Her health is suffering a bit lately. I've just been listening and trying like crazy to validate.

In other news still trying to figure out my 180's:
I've not been initiating any contact, no "i love you's"
trying to be positive/happy (really tough - gutted inside)
keeping calm in front of kids and doing exciting things with them
trying to be "flexible" and co-operative whilst standing up and not being a doormat (not sure if W is cake eating)
getting exercise and getting out/seeing friends.

My IC is pushing me to "move on" saying R is over - I don't believe she can diagnose that as she is only seeing one side of story. I know I'm not done, and I'm not prepared to give up yet.