Job - I really value this forum - it has been such a help to so many.
I am in the strange situation of having had a very mean and vengeful MLCer who now wants to be friends, and meet up from time to time. But it doesn't work for me. I explained why and he (finally)understands. He acknowledges the hurt he has caused, but he still hasn't done the work - hard to explain, but he isn't the person I used to know. His new life clearly works for him, on some level.
In some ways I wish I could take up his offer of friendship, but we would have to rebuild from scratch. However he feels we could just pick up where we left off . . . . except that he is re-married, lives in another country. To be honest, it felt as if he was turning me into the OW, in an emotional sense, and that really didn't feel right. Not fair to his wife, who isn't the woman he left me for. And not a role I have ever been interested in playing.
It seems better to stay with the clean break - our children are grown, and they aren't comfortable with their father either. These MLCers are very damaged people and it isn't their fault, except we do have choices and help is out there.
