Re: V is for Vanilla 29

[Vanilla]

From last thread

Zues

The reason I asked you is because I think you have what I refer to as directive anger (white) and the kind which has drive and determination.

For instance the desire to improve and win at pool. On my part it is more than idle curiosity.

I like modelling success, it has created some good shortcuts for me. In this aspect I can spot success. Drive determination and will to succeed.

This isn't whimsy for me. I think in order to recover from my complex PTSD then I may need some of this style. It won't be Zues like more Vanilla style.

I am drifting, as RD says I observe that I take the blame and responsibility for too many things.

It's the serenity prayer that needs fulfillment,

Higher power grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

I have the courage to do it but not the drive, and the last part has me completely fooled!

V

From Zues

V, I've reread your last few posts. I couldn't find a clear question, it looks like you were just curious about my thoughts on these musings.

I'm no anger expert. If anything, I am on the other end of the spectrum. I never knew I was angry. In fact, I was so angry that I disassociated. In my teens I thought I was Mr. Spock, above emotions, detached, and just regarded everything with a scientific curiosity. But just beneath the surface the fires raged, hotter than the sun. In the last few years I've learned to let it burn, and I have learned to be ok with it.

The other night I had an angry outburst with my children. No need to go into details. But I'm sure it made them uncomfortable, and I'm sure XW would shake her head and think "You are scaring the kids, this isn't good for them, they should feel safe", blah, blah, blah. But you know what? I think it's all garbage. I have maybe 2-3 outbursts a year where I get a bit tweaked for 5-10 minutes, my kids might be a bit uncomfortable, but you know what, that's ok once in a while. The world is full of adversity and it's ok to be tough enough to handle a raised voice once in a while. As long as they know they are loved and aren't in danger.

So that's where I live these days, letting my fire out, and managing through it the best I can. Yes, anger has given me a lot of motivation to change.

But is that really the only way? In the example of a kid being bullied, is anger really a requirement to take action? Are the only options to get angry, or to stand around passively like a cow chewing her cud? I don't think so. Take a look at Ghandi. At Buddha. At Jesus. I don't see any of them getting angry at their oppressors, yet they all changed the world. They had compassion, empathy, brotherly love for those around them. Yet they acted out of this love for the love of their understanding of the greater good.

So there you go. I think some anger is fine in moderation, as long as we manage it so we don't hurt those around us. I think it's healthy to be in touch with your feelings so you don't hide the anger, convert it into something else that's easier to identify with at the expense of distorting your own innards. But if you have truly lived a lot of life and simply don't get worked up easily...that's fine too IMHO. Motivation can come from passion just as easily as from anger. I've seen your works on abuse, I've seen you reach out to help others. If you are unmotivated, I wish more people were as unmotivated as you.

If I missed the point you wanted my opinion on please clarify the question, but that's my first reaction. Take care V!

From V to Mu

My post from Mu thread

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Mu this is how I experience anger.

Clear red anger, as in ready to strike when I am being physically attacked. This is physical and against another, kung-fu fu fighting anger. Such as when a mugger tried to take my handbag, I bit him.

Dark Red explosive spitting anger with tight stomach knots, reactive screaming banshee. Always outwards towards another such as in response to WH ranting at me. Illogical rants and quite childish. 'So there'.

Black storm cloud erring volcanic anger, volatile murderous anger for battle. Depersonalising others. Completely out of control. Attacking. Never had this and always I fear WH is on the edge of it. It always seems to me this is a 'male' style of anti social, personality disordered type of anger.

Pink shimmery glisening anger , constant lower grade blaming the world type of anger, never goes away. WH rails against the world, wrong bacon, apple juice rant, blame blame blame, blame.

Grey-green smooth but sticky passive aggressive, revenge type anger, I will get you before you get me. Sabotaging anger, not really my style but my friend has it. Get you back first type, make your suffer even if you don't know it.

Bile green anger and snot textured, judging others constantly, my mother has this in spades. Getting irritated about who others are. Disliking them for any reason, race, orientation, politics, size, wealth etc etc. WH goes to this big time. Hidden envy? Exclusion.

Bumpy slithery itchy scaly misted glass anger under the skin directed at self. Self harming, blaming, mutilatino, picking scabs, turned inwards anger. Not my style either in general.

White directed clear transparent anger, drive motivation and direction. Get things done and righting wrongs. Get to the gym style, becoming the one only a fool would leave. Get on with it. Winning, Olympic gold. Solid determination.

Light breeze misty directionless slightly irritated with no focus like looking through a glass with no substance. Emptiness. V more afraid although that's not it either. Just nothing. Where I am situated floating, tackling things, can be focused although usually treading water.

I think we need anger for direction.

This is my way of looking at anger Mu. My lack of white anger is holding me back.

V

There are a lot of very interesting observation actions about anger on my last thread, from Painter, RD and sunny. Mu and Joe.

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So my question Zues is this

How are you creating and using directive anger.

Mainly I want to know because I find you excellent at it and it's a skill I want very much.

That's why I was so vague probably because I am not sure how to achieve that.

V