Baby steps

[Painter]

H is still doing this dance. Last week, I responded to his warmth and affection, thought perhaps there was hope, and he promptly distanced himself again. Not terrible, just a little. He was not reconsidering the S, but he said the pressure was off and it made him have lots of warm feelings toward me.

These last two days, I feel like I got more of a grip on my grief and panic over moving, and was focusing on my future and the opportunities. The anxiety subsided quite a bit. I took emotionally charge and consciously shifted my attention (amazing how that works!). I had dinner out with a friend yesterday so didn't see H at all.

Today, we put our first family pet to sleep - it was time and we don't regret it - but we were both a little emotional. H 'handles' that by acting extra indifferent and a little obnoxious. Tonight, he put his head in my lap and laid there for a while. He normally would NEVER do this. Then he hugged me, held me and asked me to come in and sleep with him. Not ML, unless I wanted to, just be together. I laughed a little and said I've heard that line from guys before.

He's obviously feeling lonely and wants me to take that feeling away. I asked him breezily and without expectation (because I told him before that that's not happening unless he changes his mind about the S) 'Did you change your mind about the S?' He made a little bit of a face, pulled out of the hug, and said evasively, 'Well, you're the one who brought up a separation agreement.' (I had asked him earlier if he wanted a formal agreement in place before I leave, or how separate he wanted this S to be - i.e. does he want me off the bank account, transfer titles, etc.)

That's a very typical H-reply. Not a straight yes or no, just evasive, beating around the bush-, indirect replies that places the responsibility back on me. It's his reflex. If he has time to consider and understands that a question is serious, and the stars are properly aligned, he can answer much more thoughtfully.

I didn't say anything more, didn't feel upset, disappointed, nothing. Just observing. He kept hinting as he puttered around and finally went to bed.

Was that the right way to handle this?