Quote: She said that her love for me actually is conditional upon me not being grumpy.
Well, I really hate that statement. But if what she really means is that emotionally, she has a hard time opening up to you when you are harsh rather than gentle, then it's time to open your ears.
I have, in the past, had a real problem with being harsh with my wife, and I was blind to the extent to which it affected her. She was extremely harsh with me too. That's something we fixed about 7 years ago.
We had this one great counselor who prescribed the following exercise: when you start discussing a difficult topic, take your wife's hand. Before you say something, think about whether what you are about to say will make her want to draw her hand away from you, or make you want to drop her hand. Choose your words and your tone in a way that will increase your closeness, not drive you apart. If you can't do this, consider postponing the conversation for another time when you're more likely to succeed.
