What the heck is this?

[2Times2Many]

Job - my walking shoes are getting worn out. I think it's probably time to buy a new pair.

I saw my IC today. She agrees with you. H is probably spending most of his time staring at the walls.

Yesterday was a rough day. The stuff about my comment regarding him neglecting the business came up again. I finally just told H via text that I knew he does things over there to contribute to the business (that was lie - I know he doesn't do much) but all I could "see" was an empty office here and an H/partner who was off living his life the way he wanted. I told him I'd love to be able to do what I wanted instead of what I had to. I said I felt like the bulk of the burden for taking care of the business had fallen on my shoulders and that I carried around a lot of resentment about that. I said that all I am trying to do is stand up and say this arrangement is not a fair one.

Just before leaving the office I get a text that my sister is in the hospital. She's been sick for some time and her weight has dropped to just 77 pounds. I'm very concerned about her as that is not good at all.

I cried most of the way home from work. I kept thinking that I'd lost my Dad, my Mom, my H and could lose my sister this year. I thought ... my kids are busy with their own lives, raising their families and I feel so alone. I had quite a pity party! I managed to pull myself together and get a decent night's sleep.

This morning I awoke to H's reply to my text. He said that he knew my life was not as I had intended but things can change for the better. He added that "life is what YOU make it - not others."

I thought about that for a while and responded that sometimes the emotions get overwhelming, but eventually the mind takes control and I remember that I am not stuck and I can change course anytime I want .... that most of my life consisted of things I chose to do and I can choose not to do them anytime I want. No reply to that one. Shock!

BIL came to me today completely frustrated because H keeps contradicting himself. He'll tell BIL something, then something else, then something else about the same issue and treat BIL like he's an idiot because he has to keep "repeating" himself. BIL is getting a crash course in MLC. First lesson: believe none of what they say.

BIL expressed concern that H is just trying to keep me happy so I'll keep doing what I do for the business. I assured BIL that H may think he's pulling the wool over my eyes but I ain't stupid. I know I have options and H thinks I'm stuck.

Anyway, enough of that stuff. I have a reservation for the movie tavern to see Greek Wedding 2 this weekend and will be joining the in-laws for Easter dinner on Sunday.

I am so glad that the in-laws haven't bought into H's trashing of me and that they see he's pretty screwed up.

I'm actually very grateful for the support network that I have ... my family, H's family, our employees (who also wonder what the heck happened to H), most of our friends, and, of course, all the people here who are ready to listen to me vent, understand, and offer support and advice.

HaWho, Bright, M and all the others that I usually post to, I'm following and will post soon. Hugs to all of you!