NYGal: What now?

[NYGal]

Thanks, Sotto. You're right. Cycling it is. W called me today and in conversation led me to believe that she's not actually done with ow. Me: So are you with her or not? W: With her would be an overstatement.
Me: What do you want? W: For us to be back together like it was before. Me: What are you afraid of? W:IDK.
There was more, of course: W: I've made a horrible error in judgement... I don't believe [being w ow] is an appropriate situation for me. Me: What's holding you back? W:IDK. I'm tired of it, I want to move on. I shouldn't talk to you about it.
Me: You're right. I don't want to get hurt like this ever again.
W: [Mutual friend] says I should just clear my head and stay single. (NYGal's thoughts -- scr@w that -- come back to me!!!) Me: crickets...

W: This doubt has been with me from the get go. We belong together. This is all so wrong. But I don't want to hurt you again, that's why I've hesitated talking to you. Until she is out of my life I shouldn't talk to you.

Then her boss came in and we had to hang up. I didn't validate, I didn't get angry, but my voice was stern after she told me she's not exactly NOT w ow.

This just stinks. I have a bid b-day next week and I'll be out of town and I was so hoping we would be reconciling sooner rather than later. I got expectations and I've been disappointed yet again. I'm hurt by all this. I'm sad that she's doing this still.

Part of me thinks that she really does need reassurances from me that I can forgive her. (She HATES to be alone.) But I said I don't want her to feel like she's coming back out of fear or pressure from me so I'm not going to pressure her. I said she needs to be away from ow and over ow. She said, Oh I know, and I completely understand that we (W and NYGal) won't be together unless it's a lifetime commitment.

Well, that's a lot to deal with. She was hesitant to make that commitment before. So now she's got to get that decided before she can tell ow to take a hike???? This is all messed up.