V is for Vanilla 28

[Painter]

Let me be very clear about the things to which I refer.

I am not talking about anger as feeling, in the Inside Out way of knowing. I can recognise anger this way and I understand when I am feeling the emotion. I know where it comes from. This is no educational issue in so muxh as yes V that is anger.

This isn’t about how I feel, but about my respond. I just have no anger response at all to harms to myself. A very brief all over the place screaming banshee is unmotivated.


And again, we’re not talking about responding to WH and his rants or blame ingredients of me. It goes much deeper than that.

I discovered a post on the Internet that said exactly what I am having difficulties with.

In responding to actions that do real harm. Or responding to words that empower and enable and provoke actions that do real harm. Such words and actions should make us angry. And that anger should cause us to act in response to those harmful actions, or to speak up against those hurtful words.

That doesn’t mean we must act or speak angrily, or that we must act or speak in anger. “In your anger, sin not.” But if we fail to act or to speak, then we are failing to love. That failure may be due to apathy, or to fear, or to a host of other reasons, but sometimes it is due to our corresponding failure to get angry.

You got kids? If not, how about a kid sister or a kid brother? No? Then how about a dog, you got a dog? Or a cat? A spouse? Everybody loves someone or something. I’m going to go with kids here, but if you don’t have kids, just think of your little sister or your cat or whoever it is you love.

Say you see somebody hurting your kids — deliberately, cruelly inflicting harm on them. That will make you angry. Such anger is right and proper and just. You will be angry because you love your kids, and that anger and that love will compel you to act on their behalf — to stop this cruel somebody from harming them.
Now, if you saw this happening and you did not get angry or try to put a stop to this cruelty, what do you suppose the rest of us would think? We wouldn’t be congratulating you on your saintly calm demeanor. Nor would we be admiring you as an exemplar of Christian civility.

No, we would be angry with you over your lack of anger. Then, after we acted in your stead to stop the harm being done to your kids, that anger would compel us to confront you with your evident lack of love for your own children.

None of this changes when the victims of this cruel, deliberate harm are someone other than your blood relations.



I get angry on behalf of others although not on behalf of myself.

V

This is such an interesting post. So a lack of self-love could lead to not standing up to poor treatments from others... Not a groundbreaking observation, for sure, but it just made a coin drop for me in the context of my M and current situation.

I have FOO issues that I have dealt with repeatedly in counseling throughout my life (giving me the illusion that I am on top of them), and this fits neatly into the pattern. I know I tend to believe I'm flawed when others treat me poorly - that there must be a reason why they would do it. I'm a victim of my own strong sense of logic, I guess.

Thank you for posting this! It helped me feel more clear about what's going on, and more accepting.