W got back into town. Hadn't seen her in 7 days. We didn't get more than 30 seconds before D5 distracted her with an issue. There was no moment of bliss. Of course she's extremely tired and I had no expectations of jumping into the sack. We talked a little bit tonight because I'm feeling really rotten. I told her that I wish I close the lid on this box I just opened because it is making me feel like a wreck and she is feeling like she is walking on eggshells. She gave me crap for being "dramatic". I told her that I'm feeling really bad despite everything I'm logically telling myself. This feels like a state of depression but it seems to be directly controlled by the amount of sex and erotic touching. She spooned up against me and was rubbing my back, then my butt. I took her hand an put led it to a grope which she didn't mind doing. Touching each "area" on me, I felt myself becoming more and more "at peace". I saw my body as having dotted lines indicated various zones with score numbers imprinted on it. Back = 1, Butt = 5, D!ck = 25.
She said that she is doing some self affirmations.... "I will have more sex" "I will do it twice a week"
Granted, I should be pleased with the fact that she is doing this but wouldn't a better set of affirmations be.... "I love sex" "I love how it feels"
In her tired state today, she could have just sat closer to me while watching TV. If I were to tell her that, she would completely flip and say how I'm putting her on eggshells. At one point tonight, I nicely said "why do you come sit next to me?". She replied "I am...I'm on the same sofa". Note: that this a giant sectional I just bought with the hope that we could cuddle together instead of being on separate love seat sized couches. I guess my intentions failed me again.
The more I'm recalling our day and writing about it, the angrier I get. Maybe it's not a good idea to journal every day. The self talk going on in my head is not very nice nor constructive. I better stop writing. I'm getting extremely angry now.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
