My story job 9140 (3)

[sandi2]

No, I don't see any point of asking her again. That was not my reason for the previous post about waywardness.

[Jb9140]

using that quote was just reference to possible affair. Didn't mean for it to seem out of context. Thanks for the response. My sig line is just a joke and tribute to your effort. no offense attended. just trying to keep things light in this stressful situation I'm in.

[Jb9140]

Is anyone willing to be my sponsor?

[Jb9140]

Anyone have experience they would like to share on physical separation?

[Jb9140]

Bump

[Jb9140]

So wife just texted me.

W: I'm going to finalize my lease. I'm going to put down the pet deposit. I need to take Shelley.

Me: I understand.

W: Thank You

Me: No problem

W: Smiley face Blushing


When we talked about my wife moving out she said she wasn't taking our cat. I really am not that attached to the cat is she is. I hope I made the right decision. I didn't feel like this was a good place to show tough love. I think it would definitely come across as me punishing. Any thoughts?

[Thornton]

I think you did fine.

It's time to start backing way off now. Detach and get out there and GAL.

[pinn]

Hey JB,

I think it is fine. If you don't care about the cat, then let it go. I would have just said 'OK'after her first test and left it at that. There is no need for a 'no problem' reply.

Physical separation is better than in house separation IMO. It is just easier. Take the time you are given to work on yourself. Let her be. Let her do her thing. You can do whatever you want now! I recommend staying busy, do something new. Exercise is key. I gym a lot, run a lot, play hockey a lot, am finishing school, taking yoga classes etc.... Don't sit around the house and dwell on things. Become the best man you can. Above else try and detach. It is a wonderful place to be.

I also took time and really thought about our relationship. What was wrong, what was right, what could be fixed, what was my role, what was her role etc. This is important for my future with or without her.

Good luck

[Jb9140]

Thanks guys, I'm actually looking forward to trying to do as much as possible with getting back to being the best version of me. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared, but this is the best chance for me to find out what really makes me happy and content with myself. To be honest when all is said and done maybe I wont want to continue my marriage with my spouse, I don't know. I plan on really trying to GAL, Spend time at the gym, take care of my kids, and maybe have some friendly, yet brief conversation with my wife if she initiates contact. I'm truly starting to have faith that I'm going to survive this situation regardless how it unfolds. I just want to be happy regardless if it with my Wife, a future Relationship, or just by myself.

[sandi2]

The problem with in-house separation is that the couple are not separated! They are thrown together under one roof and abiding as one family unit. Usually, there are no ground rules, except maybe not sleeping together. That is not a real separation, IMO.

It is more like the WW having her cake and eating it, too. If you say anything about what she is doing, where she's going, etc., she screams you are S! However, she still expects to have all the privileges of being in the M, such as staying in her nice home and enjoying family togetherness, even having you to cater to her mood swings or give her hugs when she needs them.

In-house S is on the WW's terms, not the LBH. She is still in charge and calling the shots. And, I am still looking for a successful reconciliation with a WW from in-house separation. At best, they result in living like roommates and the H settles for being her friend.

We have seen couples R after physical S. Sure, there is going to be the initial time she enjoys the freedom and space. However, if you make yourself unavailable, the chances of her missing you will be much greater in physical S. It's something about a woman seeing the man she dumped doing much better than she ever imagined. He is active. He looks great. And, he seems happy! Somehow, it hits home with her that he could be so happy without her being the center of his universe. She realizes the single life is not what she thought it would be. She starts to reevaluate what she really wants.

I just have not seen any of those things happening in an in-house S.