I think I know the answer should be no based on DB principles but I thought I would ask anyways. Do you think I should offer a small amount to help, just to not look controlling or spiteful? I am not giving her the $$ to get a place, she already got it. It is not anything other than a part of what we agreed she is entitled to anyways. I guess that means I am "bailing her out" of the decisions she made and that is a no-no. Thing is she is asking for way less than she could be and I can't stop thinking about Fade's post when I asked this question earlier (see Fade's answer below) Earlier I think no was the right choice, but now she has already made the "leap" so it's not so much enabling bad behavior as it is bailing out. "I could probably give you advice either way. Do you stand firm for your convictions and give her nothing - and risk her seeing a lawyer and trying to take you for everything? Or do you placate her with what she wants - at an absolute minimum, in order to get favorable settlement for you, and knowing that she is heading for a train wreck. Sometimes giving them $ is just setting precedent for what you will pay forever. Other times if you cut her off, she might go get emergency orders and that would no doubt be bad for you.
But other than that, I am reminded of something an old mentor at my first job told me. I was young and new but had to make a few important, difficult decisions. Either way I went was fraught with risk and I was frozen in fear, unable to make any decision. When I asked for advice he said I had no reason to worry about my choice, because any decision I made would be terrible. Not exactly helpful, right? But eventually I understood what he meant. I shouldn't have worried so much about making the wrong choice and just made a choice and concentrated on managing the outcomes because I never really had the control to avoid a bad outcome with any decision I made.
So my not exactly helpful advice to you is dont stress too much about any decision you make. You really have no control to make your WW come back, so dont think that hangs on every decision you make. But you absolutely can work now to manage the outcomes either way, and in my book, that is living honorably, build a strong relationship with your kids and gaining maximizing custody rights, and having financial security while minimizing any ongoing support you have to pay. And I always say if you do that, then eventually you will have better choices to make."
This will not set a precedents and I think this is the honorable route to take (although not the most DB, it will help with financial outcome of D, and not create animosity for relationship with Kids (although who knows what the next thing I say this about will be) So conflicted because I am pretty sure that there is always going to be something that I feel this way about until it is over.
I am basically at the point of going "ALL IN" on DB priciples
