New to Site - Just found about another

[coffee_]

Sandi,
I really don't have the whole story. Did she spill the beans, no. But indicated that it did happen and fears telling me about the A and details because it will always be "bigger in my head than it actually was". I have no confirmation that something is going on currently, just a gut feeling that made me start searching, which turned up some stuff from 7-8 years ago.
After I confronted her and she indicated that there was some truth to my suspicions, which took about 4 days to come to that conclusion, she did apologize, in an email the next morning that stated " I am sorry and I do love you" during the same conversation we established that we both care to keep the MR.
I really don't have all the answers but here is the history.

10 years ago I found some inappropriate emails to a guy in another state, planning a fantasy rendezvous. She was also hanging around another single guy with a couple of babys the same age as our son. I confronted her, and told the two guys to back off. End of story I think.

A bit after that I found a nasty text on her phone. She played it off as nothing. But it turns out this happened around the same time as what I have just recently uncovered, it was in the 08-09 years. This is what I believe to be one but maybe two guys. She thinks I only know of one right now.

A year ago I discovered some FB messages, to two different guys. One guy doesn't live anywhere near us, but the texts to him where in the fashion of, I miss you and when are you coming home. The message to the other guy, who does live here, and is someone she worked with in the past was a bit more disturbing. She had a work conference in D.C and the message was basically inviting him to come to D.C. for the weekend. He has access to cheap plane tickets. I confronted her, and we began to work on our MR. I wish I would have found this site back then.

Recently she has been very busy with her ailing father, but something in my gut was telling that her time away was not being spent as she has been indicating. She also showed up with a gift on her birthday, when I asked where it came from she said she won it at work. I called bullpucky on that. She retracted and told me that she stole them from a lost and found type deal.

So about a week after her Bday she heads to a work conference. The night she left I started seaking, I had a feeling that maybe she would be enjoying the company of someone else during her work conference. The conference was legit. So after I found the stuff the night she left, I drove 3 hours to her conference to confront her. She didn't come clean then but she knew that I knew. Before I left I was able to get into her room and found some lingere, and a boque of flowers, I asked her about that and she explained it away, but that night and well into the next day there was radio silence, no contact from her. I know what was going on, it hurts so much.

This was last week, we have been talking, sleeping in the same bed etc. Agreed on counseling. But she is acting like nothing happened and going about her life like not big deal. My work is failing, my mental state is completely bazzerk! Before I confronted her I made an apt to see a conseler for myself. I saw him yesterday and it helped to get this stuff including all of the other life stuff off my chest. Yesterday I asked her if she where to start a conversation about this when would she do it and how would she go about it. She was very defensive and said that she was very busy at work and probably not when I had a bunch of work to do. She apologized immediatly after that, but has yet to bring it up again. In an email today (which I havent responded to) she said
"How are you feeling?
What are you wanting/needing from me?
I don't want you to feel like I never want to talk about hard stuff...it's just difficult to begin sometimes."

I will respond in a couple of hours, but will use the detached method.

Just baby steps I guess, I want it fixed ASAP so I can move on but know it won't happen this way.