When nothing has been resolved about the affair, I see her kissing you, saying ILY, or touching you in bed as her way of taking your relationship temperure. We call it temp checks. In other words, if she sees you caving to her suggestive touches, then she knows she is in control of the relationship. She is assured that she still has you emotionally. She is not worried that her bad behavior has sent you packing. She is not concerned that you find her unattractive and her behavior disgusting. She knows she holds you in the palm of her hand.

Actually, IMHO, when a W has had an affair, she should be very concerned that her wayward actions has caused her to lose her H. How much do you think your WW is worried about losing you? If all she has to do is throw a leg over you or give you a kiss......and then everything is pretty much back to the way it was before the A, she will not respect or value the MR and will continue cheating on her H.

After you confronted her about this 8-10 year affair, she admitted it. Did she apologize? Was she sorry for hurting you? Did she say it would stop immediately?

Was this the same man she has been seeing for 8-10 years? And, did I understand you correctly that she has tried to have three other affairs?

If she is a serial cheater, living in a MR with her will be extremely challenging. If she has been able to have affairs without any consequences for her actions, then she will continue doing it. Is this the first time she has ever been confronted about her unfaithful activity?

If she is a serial cheater, what would mean enough to her to cause her to stop? Has she ever sought therapy for her behavior? Did you do something to stop the other affairs? What is different this time?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!