WAS or what (6)

[TimR]

Gotta agree with mutatio. Try not to have M discussions in front of the kids or where they can hear. That is easier said than done. It is also advise that I did not take as when wife went off, it did not matter who was around and when she sucked me into her whirlwind our kids were often near by. Funny thing is one time after she had been screaming and throwing the F bomb at me for over half an hour, I started to reply but my tone was raised yet calm and stern she stops me and says "the kids are gonna hear."

After the split this is what I have observed. The kids and especially S13 took it very hard. He is my stepson but we have a tight, tight bond. Having been a child in the middle of D I was bound and determined I would say nothing negative about WW. Personally I believe he needs counseling himself to process everything but he refuses to go. So on the advise of people on this board and my IC I do not force the issue. I am there for him to talk to, if I see he is having an exceptionally hard time, I try to tug a little bit out of him to open him up but subtly. Otherwise, I am his oasis from all the home drama. If I had to boil it down to a few simple rules it would be the following:
1. Make sure they know you love them and are NOT leaving them, you will always be there for them day or night. I think the kids fell abandoned by the secondary (non live in parent).
2. Do not talk bad about W to them or in front of them. Even if they say "mommy said you always was mean to her." (this happened to me) Respond in a way that they can decide "I don't think I was and I never intended to be mean... do you think I was." and drop it.
3. Do not gather intell from them if you split, "What has mommy been doing?" "Does mommy have any friends that come over?"
4. Reassure them they had not fault in this.
5. Do not show your pain to them. They know you hurt but to see it hurts them too.
6. Enjoy every second you have with them!