Feeling he's in MLC, but in D process

[ciluzen]

I'm doing better today. Thanks, job and Mel. Headache is small now; just dealing with pulled muscles on the sides of my neck and some bruises.

I did get a text from H yesterday asking how I was. That was surprising, as he has been avoiding commenting on or asking me anything about me since he moved out. I gave a brief answer back and then nothing else from him. I allowed myself to be amused/slightly happy that he texted, though.

Trying to keep a calm balance with GAL and relaxing alone time. When H left, holiday season was just starting to ramp up. My way of dealing with the emotions was to throw myself into activities right and left and fill my time driving from one thing to another. I joined tons of meetup groups. When I was by myself at home I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. And I did do that...a lot.

I'm now at that point that I'm dropping a lot of those meetup groups and my alone time is much calmer. I'm taking two online Gale courses (free) through the library, meditation and statistics, as sort of a practice for going back to school. Its amazing how out of practice you can get on just being a student after 25 years!

In a few weeks our house will officially be on the market. H has promised to help with the house every weekend. We'll see how that goes. We still have a lot to do.

I've put out the idea of Easter breakfast to both girls, but our family is a little broken right now. My oldest begged off because she and her husband "don't want the two families to fight over time on holidays". Haven't heard back from D23. Not sure what to think. It just feels broken, but I'm not too upset by it. I plan on going to church Sunday and whatever happens beyond that happens, I guess. Its just so weird. Last year I made bread baskets for the girl's and D25's (at the time) fiancee with eggs and gardening supplies (seeds, seedlings, gloves) and a little bit of candy-their requests. This year...sounds like nothing. As I said, BROKEN. New holiday tradition.

Not having as big a pity party as that sounds. Just putting down thoughts as they occur. I never asked H what he was planning on. I'm tempted to invite him to church, but he would probably decline.