Now what?/ One Day at a Time

[melweb]

Thanks for the advice Sotto, and I agree with your take. I am proceeding with extreme caution. I left the Mexico trip as "I'll think about it"

I brought up OW, and he told me I was reading too much into it. I said I needed to know for my own health and safety and he told me I have nothing to worry about. (I know 3 condoms are missing , he does not know I know this part, along with the 3 missing Cialis) so maybe that is what he means. But last night did not feel like the time to pursue that issue, so I let it drop. There WILL come a time, if he is serious about R, that I will have to say No R with OW. Whether they are "just friends" or mot!!

I will stay the course of backing off. I already had some GAL stuff planned for tomorrow nite and I want to see that new Jen Garner movie this weekend. Anybody else going to see that?

I just wanna say that you guys have been a God send thru this whole ordeal. I appreaciate all the support and words of wisdom. Thank you so much.

[MrBond]

If you go through the research of MLC, you'll find that along with the triggers, the uncertainty is common. There are specific stages the MLCer will go through.

[melweb]

I think its safe to say H is officially 'on the fence' again.

Thursday night H tells me has cut all contact with OW and will give me acess to phone and email acct. Says she was a distraction and he needs to put his focus on us. He goes with me on my GAL thing, and we have a good time.

By last night, he is talking out the other side of his mouth. He's not sure; he doesn't want to pretend and stay for the wrong reasons; sometimes he feels it and sometimes he doesn't. Theres more garbage, but I just listen and validate. Say I understand and appreciate his honesty.

Lets see what today brings.

[job]

Your h is playing Humpty Dumpty these days. I would just sit back and allow him to decide where he wants to fall. LOL! He is really confused, but he is also keeping you in his back pocket as Plan B if things do not work out for him in La La Land.

You are doing the right thing by listening and validating. It will be interesting to see what happens today.

[melweb]

Well. H spent most of the weekend in his room, sleeping. We did go the gym together Saturday and Sunday, but he was distant, depressed and aloof. Could he be in depression stage already?

I have not gotten access to his cell phone acct like he said he would. And my mind is going fruity with the possibility that his A is not over, especially since he is going to a "biz dinner" tonite(so he says) and probably staying the night there as he does not like to drink and drive. Its an hour away. I feel like I am not in a position to push this yet as he still seems so uncertain/confused about us. But I still feel like he is hiding something, or someone.

[job]

mel,

He was already in depression when MLC hit. Depressionis the main ingredient of MLC. The depression stage that we speak of here is a very dark depression and one that he will just go off by himself and will withdraw from everything for a long period of time. What he is doing right now is very typical. He is doing things very similar to HaWho's h, i.e., teenager behavior.

He may be suffering from a little bit of "affair" withdrawal right now. I wouldn't push too much about the access of the cell phone unless he is ready to call it quits w/his affair partner and is ready to reconcile. I, personally, don't think he's there yet, especially if he is still confused. Just let him be for a while. You can't rush the process and the affair, if there is one, has to die a slow death all by itself.

Try to keep the focus on you. If you allow your mind to wander about what he's doing and w/whom all of the time, you will go nuts.

[melweb]

Thanks job.

I thought of 'affair withdrawal" too. He said it was over but idk for sure. Not pushing on any front at the moment--the cell phone acct, the OW, the M or even reconciliation, as he seems to change his mind daily. That's what going to drive me nuts, I tell you!!

All of my research thus far has been on line, but I guess I have to break down and buy some books. My local library has nothing on MLC or mens depression and neither does the Borders here.

I have some GAL stuff planned for this week already, as I did not get to the movies last weekend. I wanted to see Miracles From Heaven, but you guys may have talked me into 10 Cloverfield Lane. Guess I'll decide when I get there.

[job]

I am going to suggest that you see Miracles From Heaven. It's more of an uplifting movie versus 10 Cloverfield Lane. The 10 Cloverfield Lane is more of a mind twister movie because it makes you think that Howard is nuts, but at the end of the movie you find out he really wasn't so far off base in his thinking.

[melweb]

Hey job!! I have an idea! Why don't I see BOTH? Who says it has to be one or the other?

It seems I will have plenty of time to GAL as H fell off the fence today, and face planted firmly on the "I'm just not feeling it. I need passion" side. Tonite he feels guilty (not heard him say that before.) And he's mad about all shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Says he does not want a divorce, but be apart, so he can miss me. Go on dates, get coffee, come over for dinner, and sleep in his own bed. I listened. Validated.

Really, honestly, at this point, its no longer a shock. Just riding the wave and keep my head above water. He could change his mind next week. Or tomorrow.

Then I get a hug, kiss on lips, and an "I love you" before bed. Ughhhhhh.

[HaWho]

Melweb - good job validating and not discussing the r. No point, right? Each nanosecond the answer is different so why be dragged into it?

Enjoy the movies!