Ah, Raine - I, like you, was a successful reconciliation story - until I wasn't. We actually had several of the best years of our marriage, and then he went back down the rabbit hole.
I don't regret it though. When he finally did leave, I had great peace in my heart that I had done everything possible to try to save my marriage. And having spent all those years working on things actually made it easier for me to move on after he finally filed.
And yes, I too felt responsible for my ex, who had had multiple concussions and who I felt had untreated depression. But honestly, it was out of my hands, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, and he was not so impaired that he couldn't have made a decision to get treatment. He just chose self medicate with other women instead.
While it does worry me a bit that he took nothing with him (do you suspect him of being suicidal?), at the same time, if he is being financially generous right now, I would suggest you jump on it and get divorce terms in writing ASAP. Sadly, they become MUCH less generous as time goes on, so you have a limited time to take advantage of his guilt and get a good financial deal for you and your kids before that happens.
Remember, too, that seeing a lawyer for a consult does not mean you have to file - but you should get all your financial ducks carefully in a row just in case.
If it helps any - I was very stressed when my ex finally moved out (hair fell out in fistfulls!). But about 3 mos later I looked around me and realized - "Hey! It sure feels good not to walk on eggshells anymore!" - and my life has gotten better and better since. Professional success, financial stability, a nice home, my adult kids have gotten closer, I've made fantastic new friends, have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like a queen, and I started playing the drums when he left - now I have 3 gigs this month with my band!
I still worry about my ex sometimes, but he is remarried to a sweet young social worker who I hope will care for him in his old age. And I have that peaceful feeling that I did everything I could, he fired me from that job and it's not my responsibility anymore.
