Congratulations on your job, Rednail! You rock. : )
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Mustardseed- you gave me a lot to think about, I am doing the easter party at D5 school but when they nap today I'll have time for a good response. I will say I have talked to about 8 L's and they all pretty much tell me the same thing over and over again. I know I won't have any help for an L but his parents are loaded so worst case he will always be able to out lawyer me.
Well..I think I need to give up alcohol. I don't drink, much..but I think no more GAL where the goal is"go out for drinks" Maybe dinner and drinks..but no just drinks.
Yesterday was GOOD..I was FIRM on my boundaries. Told my H I didn't want a hug or to have him touch me. FIRM. That upset him.
I ended up with 15 texts, 2 Facebook messages, and 3 missed calls. Most were, what's your problem, why are you ignoring me, etc etc. I ignored them all except the 1-2 about our kids.
My GAL is when everything went downhill. I had a car decide to go in reverse at a red light and hit my car, then drive off like a crazy person. No damage was done, but that was the start of a bad night.
I wear contacts and lost one while driving because I was tired and rubbed my eye. I had to go home to get one. I called H, asked if he could grab my extra and meet me at the door. He said, no you can come inside and get them. Long story short, he thought I was too "drunk" to drive( I wasn't) and took my keys. He said he had to make sure the mother of his kids comes back home alive.
So I slept at my house last night, woke up early, got showered and dressed and left that way H could have the day with the kids. I went to my dr appt. I came home, we all had lunch and H left. He didn't mention me spending the night, I didn't mention it. I think it's a don't ever talk about it again thing.
Today was back to normal. We really didn't even talk besides saying Hey I will have a or b day off this week. I said okay, he left. He also caught a bad cold from S3 so he is now super sick.
I won't see him for 2-3 more days and I am happy with that.
My GAL today is way better, taking kids to my bff's to hangout and play with her kids. Good time. I am EXHAUSTED today though. I know I will sleep good tonight.
I feel like I'm a self sabotager, No more. I will be FIRM for a day and the next day I'm more relaxed. STRONG everyday. EVERY single DAY. I do the same with weight loss..projects..I need to change my self sabotaging ways. It's not good. I don't even realize i'm doing it but i'm glad I see it now.
You're doing great! See? You took a bit of his cake away and it drove him nuts. That confirms he's a major cake eater. He still wants his wife, kids, and house when he wants them but he wants his OW too. Well, tough luck buddy. Your wife is too quality of a person for that sh!t. Let him keep the wh0re and you keep your distance. Don't let a man touch you that lies with a wh0re, who knows the funk he's carrying. Stay strong and keep GAL. You've got an awesome life ahead of you.
Thank you txhubby! I think I do too. I do need to post pone this divorce as long as possible though.
My dr yesterday said if I lose 18-23 more lbs he will refer me to a plastic surgeon to get rid of my excess skin from losing like 100 lbs and that surgery my estimate was 12-15000$. He said He will try to find a way for insurance to cover 50-100% og the cost.
Is that selfish of me? Yes, but I think if its worth a shot. I deserve something amazing out of all this if I can get it!
Even if it was selfish who cares. You deserve to be a little selfish after all this. Get everything you can out of this. He has obviously been thinking only of himself so it wouldn't hurt you to put yourself and the kiddos first.
He really confused me today. He did a 180 of how he usually acts around me. I'm getting the silent treatment.
He called after he left to let me know-remind me that he's keeping the kids tomorrow night. He's like yeah I told you already, when I said oh.He didn't.He might have told the OW but not me.
I really hope this isn't how its going to be from now on.OBVIOUSLY it would help me detach BUT if that's how he is going to be when I wake up over an hour early just for him to visit the kids and bring them donuts then he's can just see them on his days. I did it for the babies because they really miss him and I hate saying no when he asks to visit.
Maybe I'm just more annoyed with today because I woke up extra early and then went to bed at 1:30 am. 4.5 hours of sleep.
Besides that nothing new to report. Talked to him yesterday for 20 seconds H:hey me: hey want to talk to the kids? After talking to kids H: Can I bring them donuts for breakfast and see them? Me: Okay.I'll see you tomorrow bye.
I have 0 plans for Monday, its my worst day for him to keep the kids because I can't even hangout with my mom because its her busy day..She gets home at 9 or 10 pm. All my friends are recovering from the weekend and going back to work. I hate Mondays
The silent treatment is another control tactic, in an attempt to draw you out. To make you beg for contact, being a warm person contact will be part of who you are.
Stonewalling, silence and it is trying to punish you.
Ignore it, see it for what it is. If you accept this high level tactic and go with it then you may get peace at least for a while.
This may last for about 4 weeks if you are luckily although your WH cycles quickly, mainly because he thinks it works.
Whistle a happy tune, enjoy the space.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Things seem to be slightly changing.H notices I'm more distant,detached, less available( He tells me I'm more distant,ignoring him,etc every time We talk). Calls more,texts more, asking about spending holidays together like easter. He would really like me there.
I changed the way I'm acting around him and it seems to bring out a small change. I'm not easy,breezy, or validating. I'm detached, a bit sassy-sarcastic( not a lot but a little) and keeping up my boundaries hardcore.
He brought me my favorite meal from a place in town when he was running late to come see the kids to make me happy.
Still with OW, still going to go stay an hour away from us, but I'm feeling more confident in myself.
He knows about my job..didn't mention filling when her said as soon as He knew He would do it.
