New to Site - Just found about another

[1313]

Okay first real contact today, she texted and asked how my day has been. My response was "Going good, how is yours" Baby steps for detaching? I am done trying to pressure her into talking about this, after reading the threads and dusting myself off, it is liberating to know that I can just move on with our without her.

coffee_, I so empathize with you - after 30 years of marriage and 35 years together - what was "automatic" needs some major rewiring. Heck, I'm moving tubes to solid state.

Zephyr has some good thoughts on what he did as far as finding a new life - and that's what you're on your way to doing.

IMHO, I wouldn't answer the texts at all - or certainly not all of them. Let's see what a vet has to say on the subject. The small talk stuff is only trying to drag you back in. It's hard for you to be aloof and mysterious if you're answering what time you shaved or if you took the pickle off of your hamburger.

As far as no longer being "we", I'm not sure when I will break free of that. It will be more than mere months.

I just saw an artist I've loved forever (45 years?) - and and introduced to the W is going to be touring. In his band and by himself, I connect much of their music with "us". I haven't been able to listen to any of it since the BD. And, if I go see him - I buy one ticket? How sad is that? So, I don't go? If the W knew, she'd get 2 tix for herself and the OM - she's not bothered by such things. So, the W wins. Regardless. That's wrong.

As far as her A, what I have done to much success is get it out of my mind. 2 months ago I knew that the W and OM were going to have a week together (last week) in another state, starting with a stop at a hotel that's sort of place for much, much younger people (I'd be embarrassed to stay there). While I was in agony when I learned, I could not have cared less (well to some degree) now. I didn't think about it - fixate on it - it just is. I've got myself to worry about. And hope she had a lousy time.

Detaching is a major factor, and quite freeing. If I wanted to I could snoop - but why? It only causes pain. It's time consuming. In fact, the W is guilty of that and more - like she doesn't already have enough to do. I haven't bothered to look for almost 2 months - and eliminated all the things I signed up for, reminders etc. that would give me the slightest clue. All gone. Feels great!

I didn't see if you said anything about kids - we have none. But today I got pretty emotional about having not seen my dog for 2 months. That really hurts, and the W knows it. She'll punish the pooch to get to me, which is just wrong. If you've got kids, it seems to help a lot of people here. If not, then you've really got to concentrate even harder.

While I'm something of a prisoner as I'm the primary caretaker for my Mother at the moment - well GAL is not at all easy for me. I'm afraid to leave. I did get a new bicycle and get out and exercise as much as I can.

And, I did do a painting for a charity auction which was fantastic to do - and it's one of my best things for them. That should also tick off the WW, as it looks like she's not finished her piece yet, and we're 3 weeks past the deadline.

But - I've abandoned the hobby side of my profession, and need to get back into it. I'm letting people down by not testing equipment (manufacturers submit products to me) and writing reviews. Concentrating is hard. Very hard. So you might find those slightly more brainless activities a good place to start and then work your way up.

Roller Derby? Sounds like Zephyr is having too much fun if you ask me! That could be a good way to burn off some of that anger too. It's probably been outlawed in CA now - but I sure do remember the Bay City Bombers so long ago!

Anyway, remember that the W needs to see you GAL. She will wonder just why you're having so much fun - without her(!?). How dare you!

Don't let her think you're waiting for texts, phone calls or email. If you feel compelled to answer - at least give it an hour or five. Otherwise - if you're answering as you used to, she knows she's still got you wrapped around her finger.