It is always shocking to see how much the character of the WW changes. The waywardness is born from seeds of resentment and disrespect. Her heart is like a uterus that carries these negative, unresolved feelings that feeds and grows bigger over a period of time (some take longer, some are short). Eventually, the heart gives birth to this ugliness....... and rebellion is born.
Just as pregnancy and giving physical birth has an obvious affect on a woman's body, giving mental birth to this rebellion affects her heart. She is barely recognizable b/c her character is distorted.
A doctor once told me that it takes about two years for a woman's body to fully recover giving birth. (He was talking about the inside of her body). Just getting her figure back is a challenge! She has to work very hard to lose the baby fat and firm that tummy. With me, there was something from my pregnancies that remained to this day. The stretch marks. I will forever have the scars. At first, the scars really bothered me b/c they were fresh and I was young. Now, well I know they are there, but I have lived with them for a long time and, really, don't think about it.
FWIW, a wayward wife can recover, and her original character can be restored. It takes time (everyone's period of time varies). I think there are stretch marks from her experience. Once she decides to regain her original character, she will have to work really hard and long to get there (again everyone takes varies lengths of time). In the beginning, the scars are still fresh and more noticeable. Eventually, she learns to live with them, and she doesn't dwell on them.
This may be a poor anology, but I just wanted to let you know that it is possible for the WW to find her way back. It's painful and hard. There will be scars. You can live with scars, but you can't live with deep, open wounds. Healing is so important. When a couple decides to reconcile, I think it is important to get a family therapist to give them assistance and guidance in that healing process.
I realize you two aren't at that point yet, but you can tuck this under your hat till then.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
