Sparkling none the wiser

[Sparkls]

I did tell him I didn't want it anymore. That I couldn't handle the emotions related to it and everything else that was going on.
We talked about it a lot. And he agreed. To my face. I don't know the time frame from when he said he would stop to when he actually slept with her. He told me that she turned him down twice before caving (as if that matters).

We used to be really good about communicating. Like, never went to bed angry. Would talk through everything.
That changed within the last year or two. He shut down, wouldn't talk to me. Or would just agree with what I said but secretly hate me for it (or so he said on d-day) and then go b*tch to OW about how terrible I treat him. Like, I was a terrible girlfriend because I didn't think we could afford a $150 gaming controller.

My problem was when he agreed to close the relationship, I didn't say he couldn't hang out with OW anymore. I trusted him. I stopped checking his phone, I stopped worrying that he was talking to her. He had said he thought I didn't trust him so I started trying to show him I trusted him more. And I got so wrapped up in my own depression, I didn't even really care. I knew she had feelings for him, but I trusted that he wouldn't let it get out of hand. Boy was I wrong. He completely abused my trust. He didn't even lock his phone or try to hide it from me. Then I noticed him pulling away, kept asking him if we were okay, he would tell me yes. Then he started hanging out with her more. Went with her to look at apartments for her (which I thought was super weird but didn't say anything). Started playing the games we played together with her more and refusing to play with me. I started testing the waters by talking about hte future and he shut down. Thats when I knew there was something going on, but I didn't think he was cheating. And if it had just been sex, I would've been unhappy but it's way more than that. I found cards from her saying that he had told her he loved her, that she was looking forward to their future together etc. But I'm rambling.

End of the day, we used to have a very strong relationship that I was very happy with. Then he started checking out and it all fell apart. I don't believe we were wrong for each other. But my ideas of what was "fair" started to outweigh my own personal discomfort.
Moral of the story: open relationships only work if everyone is on the same page and willing to talk, ad nauseum, about it. I won't do it again. Already told H that on d-day.