H and I have been together for 9 years now, married 4. H walked out in August of last year and we had a false start over Thanksgiving only to be told two weeks later he would not be coming home as he said we would eventually be getting a D. Knocked me down b/c I thought we were making progress but I was so wrong. We went NC for about 2.5 months until he contacted me (under the urging of his brother who reminded him that he still had a wife).
He came to "check up" on me a few weeks ago and we had a nice time while talking about splitting everything up. Very weird state to be in. The he comes over again this past weekend, and the same thing happens only this time, a little bit more R talk. I half DB'd and half told him exactly how I've been feeling overwhelmed and that I did not want the D but I respected his thoughts and actions. I could have DB'd better...and every time I don't do well, I feel like I have to start all over again...which really s****. I don't know what this is all about. H says he didnt expect this and doesn't want this but feels its "the right thing to do", but then says he thinks about the opposition/alternative.
I don't know...I will keep trying my damnedest to move forward - but not totally move on from my M. To me that's detaching from the outcome, 180s (which are really helpful for me), Dbing, etc. Not a fan of this rollercoaster. Wishing H would come around and let up a little but I guess that would be asking too much and expecting. Hard to not expect anything but still have faith and hope.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/22/1607:59 AM. Reason: Link
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
