So, I realize I am depressed. Yup, back at that again. I wake up in the morning looking forward to bed, but dreading bed, because then the morning comes. I go to my boring job I do everyday which I am thankful to have, but boring and not what I intended to do with my nursing degree. The days are long. I go pick up D8, I make dinner, clean up, we spend some time together, she goes to bed, then low and behold, I'm alone again. I do some schoolwork, watch Netflix, then go to bed because I am lonely and bored. I can't get out of the house for obvious reasons, but if I could, I would take a nighttime yoga class. Yoga soothes me and challenges me at the same time. I do spend some time with friends, but even though I'm engaged, that happy feeling deep inside isn't there. I've been shopping and eating chocolate to try to find that "rush" which isn't quite working. Can't afford to get fat and broke, so I'm going to stop it. Funny thing is, going through my routine was not affecting me the way it is now when I wasn't alone. Even if I was alone during the week, mentally, I wasn't so alone. All I ever wanted was a regular life with someone by my side because the right person by your side makes those things great.
However, I realize my situation is what it is, and I am working on overcoming it. Going to try to fit some more workouts in. I would love to join a group, take a cooking/painting/dancing class, but I can't commit to a weekly schedule because I have no one to watch D8. I guess I feel kind of trapped and alone sometimes.
I'm going to try some volunteer work. Maybe on the weekends I don't have her. Just something to pump me up again. I feel like my doing good for mankind is gone since I'm not a "real" nurse anymore.
I'll know I'm feeling better when I start to enjoy sushi again. That's honestly the point when I realized I was depressed. I couldn't eat my favorite food in the whole world.
