I have to say 1 day of getting a life has put me in a much better mood. I have not had that because i had walking pneumonia past month and a half.
Went out his weekend with friends and friends of friends this weekend. Dressing up, Socializing and meeting new people and getting some attention was good for me. I am back to exercising and I look forward to pursuing some new hobbies.
Just popping in to say hello. Sorry to read that you had walking pneumonia and things with your H have not been going great. Yuck all around!! I can see how that had you down, but glad that you are feeling better enough to get out and about. It truly makes a world of difference.
Oh, and your H will regret this one day. It just might take him some time to get there.
Big hug!!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Hi v2pto. I am pretty sure we are old friends! Couldn't find a new update on how you have been doing. I am hoping to read about how your husband regrets everything but you have moved on! I would like this for myself and all of us. It is true that the best revenge is to be happy though regardless of walkaway being regretful. But can't say I don't want this.
I am starting to consider filing or discussing mediation. I am gonna wait a few months but I think I need the legal closure to truly move on. I have been faking detachment, but am having some days of true detachment.
So good news is I have been back to exercising and in much better mood Focusing on being more positive, and trying to be a better person all around.
Watched an interview with thick nat hanh on Oprah and I often think about how he recommends communication and validation. Need to do more of this.
Bad news, is i am not able to embrace any positivity around or for husband. I am mad and when he came by today with his mom to spend some time with kids for holiday, I just could not let my coldness not show. It is true. I either pursue or push away with coldness. I did not say anything passive agressive. I was polite bus very distant.
Husband was the same with me and it was hurtful.
I had been doing well but I was really hurt about husbands indifference and about how he was capable of ending things. Then I thought about how I must have been an awful wife to him in order for him to be capable of walking out. Especially since there is supposedly no other woman. (If true) then I thought of little ways he was awful to me the year prior to BD and realized he no longer loved me to treat me that way. Then I remembered how badly I treated him after children were born and realized I am guilty too. I don't remember doing many nice things for him, so maybe he is right in his assessment. Sometimes I feel like an an awful wife that was lazy and abusive. Other times I feel like he is an only child that has no way of knowing how to work things out as a family unit and communicate.
I guess we both contributed but like our whole marriage we have completely differing opinions regarding what to do. He feels it's better for all involved to separate. I feel like it's better for all involved to work on repairing marriage. Some internet sites and books say it's better to divorce and then others say its better to stay in marriage.
Who knows. Maybe I'm wrong in wanting to repair. Does not matter anyway. It takes two to even do so.
It IS better to repair...but it does take two to do so.
You don't have two right now. You might not ever.
It's clear you need to detach. I know talk of R reeled you back in a few months ago. Makes sense. What is currently standing in the way of your detachment?
You say you need 'closure' to detach. Many of us on here have detached in ambiguous limbo situations. I'd encourage you to challenge the part of you that simply says 'that's just the way I am'. That outlook gets in the way of growth, and in this case forces you to either continue to hurt yourself and thereby sabotage any chances of R by reflecting that hurt to H in cold behavior, or it forces you to destroy your marriage as absolutely as if you were the one that walked. So when H says that he had no choice but to leave, you'd be making him completely accurate.
If you can detach you can enjoy your life today, have the best possible chance of R and having a better M with the man you loved and committed yourself to, and if not can move forward knowing you did your best, feeling good about life, and with a skill set that makes you ready for whatever lies ahead (vs. going through this again because you can't be ok unless you get what you want when you want it, which is an anchor in M).
I think this is worth doing some hard work to achieve. Don't you think?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
