Ghost Busting - Time to accept what is happening

[otw]

You have got to get out of this " what if " funk. Or if I could have.

You are going to find yourself saying it again in a few years about the time you are in right now. You are not living in the present. You are living in the past and future.
How is that possible?

[CWOL]

As long as you gain at least partial custody of your kids, there will be no question who their father is.

[Sotto]

Hi Ghost, there are still many What if's and How will I's in your sitch. I think the best approach is to accept 'what is, is', know that you will cope and set about making the best life possible given all circumstances.

You still tend to go down pointless thought avenues - like how will I feel if she meets a guy. I would say there's enough to deal with in the present - and best to focus on that. Your thoughts will inevitably roam to these 'pointless' places, but then it's time to 'thought stop' and get your mind on to a better track.

Just keep moving forward my friend - one step at a time, one day at a time xx

[Ginger1]

I'm going to comment on one of your worries.

Your kids will always know who their father is. You are dad, and there will be no question, as long as you are spending time with them. Even if it's not all the time.

In my sitch, my ex left me when our first and only baby was 6 months old. She is now 8. He brought his OW in my baby's life almost immediately. I has my daughter majority of the time, but I struggled so hard that she would see them together and figure they were mom and dad. My ex leaving me wasn't the worst. The thought of my daughter thinking of some other woman as her mother was what killed me and left me angry for years.

Good news though. He did end up marrying his affair partner. They will be married 5 years on April fool's day. While my daughter has a love for her stepmother, she knows who her mother is, who raised her, and she never, ever questioned it. I've accepted a lot, and even though I do not agree with what my ex's wife did (have an affair with a pregnant woman's husband) at this point, she is an adult in her life who loves her and I accept her as that. But I will always be my daughter's mother, nothing will ever ever change that, just as you will always be your kid's father. Nothing can change that. Be in their lives, and you have not a worry. I can tell you this from experience.

As far as the other spinning and cycling and ruminating over the same things over and over, you just need to stop repeating the same thing. Use the stop sign when those thoughts enter your head, as mentioned above. You've got to deal with the situation as it is, not as you think it should be.

[ATPeace]

Hi just thought I would post an update

Still not much has changed in my sitch I am however getting closer and closer to acceptance. How will I know when I am there I guess will go along with her wishes To sell the house I know when this happens she will file for divorce

I seem to cycle less there really is nothing that i can do to stop her from taking this path. She has absolutely no desire to work on repairing anything.

I am resigned to what is going to happen I do not like it and do not want it but I can see that there can be no growth while still living together neither of us can move forwards.

My Wife told me that all she ever wanted was for me to do my share arround the house spend quality time with the children, she knows I am prepared to do anything to do whatever it would take to save this repair this make things better but she completely refuses to even consider this as an option.

Over the past 10 months I have told her so many times how sorry I am I have changed how much time I spend with the children i do much more arround the house I am everything I should have been during our marrage but it is all too late for her.

I have been working in myself joined a gym ....quit the gym and decided a that three times a week with a personal trainer is for the the way forwards

I have been training for a month at the start he took my measurements and I really was not sure if I had changed much well I am shrinking

Two inches off my chest
Three inches off my waist
One inch off my thigh
1/2 inch off my kneck

And all this I know I could have done more than that I could have worked harder so this month I am looking to do at least the same if not more than this

I have signed up for six months initially and if I can repeat the above then there is going to be some massive changed to the way I look

I am feeling better about myself and I know I will be alright at the end

The life I have and the life that I will have will be very different but I will be fine.

The help from here has been incredible and without it I would not be here

Thank you all

Much love

Ghost

[Huddy]

Hi Ghost

Stop apologising. Carry on what you're doing. You're becoming abetter man. Relax, move out and see what happens. You can do this bud!

[rd500]

Agree with Huddy 100% , you've apologised so stop now You keep saying she refuses to work on it , are you still asking her ??

G , this is going to be ok for you with or with out W. Your going through a tough time but look at the positives for you. Your healthier , slimmer (. Huge congrats and very well done ) and you see your part in M breakdown. Move forward from here That's done. Become the very best G you can and if W doesn't want you then her loss mate

Acceptance is key and fake it until you make it. Each day is a day G decides how he will feel NOT W by her actions or words

Take care. Rd

[mutatio]

Keep up the good work Ghost. Actions speak louder then words so show her. Display strength and confidence coming from that fit and trim body while you do not pursue her. Fake it till you make it.

[ATPeace]

RD I am sounding like a flipping broken record going over the same [censored] over and over again.

why is it that I feel that I am copying with this worse than other people in the same position ..I guess it is because this is my sitch and it is happening to me on my sitch.

I have so little body confidence and I really think so very little about myself right now

I need to get out and love myself I do not want to meet anyone else how can I put anone else above my children I guess in time this may happen but I guess in my mind I just think that other women will be repulsed by me and my weight and how my body looks even if I loose weight which I am doing I fear that I will end up with stretch marks and lots of saggy skin. I am scared that I am unlovable and undesirable,

Ok so all the cards going down on the table I am also not body confident when It comes to the size of my manhood so the leaves me worried about forming a new relationship

I have only,ever had the one partner so I am very shy and inexperienced

Possibly too much information

Just need to vent cannot sleep

[ATPeace]

The other thing I keep thinking about is I work from 9:30am to 5pm Monday to Friday and Saturday mornings until 1pm .....my W works some nights so I get home she might sort out the eldest daughter collects her from her activity and then comes home gets in the bath for 7 pm to leave for work at 7:50 to 8pm so ...we might get to see each other for a few hrs

How would I ever hope be able to rebuild a loving relationship spending this much time with each other

Cheesless ...hopeless
Ghost