No End in Sight

[TimR]

Now to my second update. Today I met with my priest to seek some guidance, he was actually the priest that married us. I just laid it out there, the basics anyway. Well anyway the advice he gave me was surprising. I asked him about forgiveness. His comments were you are not saying you are ok with the action, and maybe not even the person but you are no longer allowing the action to have power over you. Wow! But what was more surprising is this and I am going to paraphrase... I asked about filing D and how do I know when I need to give up. I told him my IC told me I would just know. He said yeah but that is very vague like a fortune teller isn't it. I agreed and he said this, maybe you should look at it as a splinter. You get a splinter and maybe you pick at it and it gets sore, maybe it gets infected but eventually it comes out or.... You take a needle and dig it out, that is very painful at first and maybe you cannot do it the first time but the idea is you go through harsher pain at first but you heal quicker. He continued I think you know when you are tired, tired of the pain, tired of the anxiety and just plain physically tired.

That was not what I was expecting from a Catholic priest. I was expecting a lecture on unconditional love and sacrifice. I even asked about sacrifice for love, sacrificing my own pride for my love. To love unconditionally despite how I felt I have been wronged. His comment was but isn't it sacrifice to walk away when you feel you have done enough. Sacrificing your own wants to set someone free, sacrificing you vision of the future to take away the anxiety of some one you love...

Needless to say I have had a lot to think about. Also needless to say that also plays into my decision in the above matter. What was holding me back was thinking if it would cause WW any distress but in listening to my priest maybe I need to think of my own well being and let WW the freedom to do what she needs as well.