Still hoping for progress II

[sandi2]

I have to confess that I made big dent in my DB progress. I had been checking phone records and noticed a block a couple different times from a number I didnt recognize. I looked it up and it was a guy that she knows from a startup brewery that her and her friend were hleping at. I called her and asked her to come over that we needed she to talk. I wanted to see her mannerisms and body language. I confronted her about them and she explained their nature.

Had she committed to no dating while the two of you are separated?

[daybyday]

Yes Sandi. She had.

[sandi2]

If she is done with the M and doesn't want to work on it, why would she agree to no dating after she moves out? That makes no sense. Of course, she may have said it in hopes of preventing you snooping around, IDK.

I realize you want to believe what she says, but right now, you would be wise if you didn't. You have to protect yourself emotionally.

[daybyday]

I agree Sandi. My question is if she is indeed trying to ease me into D, and she does still truly cares about me, how do I go about this DBing.

I guess my question is, if I do dbing, trying to regain mystery detach etc., with her being so nice, could that possibly backfire and create more distance, or is that a good thing.

I know you had advised against being her gay boyfriend but I am baffled. I know there are no steop by steps, but...
She insisted on going to medical procedure with me and bringing some food she made for us all to eat.

[daybyday]

Sometimes I post an incomplete thought or I think it through more. I see that these little interactions with wife are at the time they are happening, nice and like old times. But it also does set me back majorly in my detaching because I long for them to be permanent. That's not going top happen anytime soon
IMO. So I guess a better question than what I posted above is, how do I limit these interactions without telling her and sounding like a dick?

I know she is probably doing a lot of this out of guilt and probably cake-eating too. I guess its back to dropping the rope and I havent figured that out.

This morning was a hard one because I was thinking of being with her all day at the doc and referring to her as my W. Seems so sad that that could be over.

One week into S and I am a wreck. There, I said it. :-(

[Sparkls]

I've been "separated" for a month and some change now and I'm still not sure whether to call him my boyfriend, my ex, what. It varies from day to day.
But separation isn't the end. She needed space to miss you. Give her that space. Don't contact her first. Let her come to you.
You aren't going to "nice" her back. Just like you aren't going to push her away but not always being available.
Think of it this way: whatever you have been doing, being the nice guy, has gotten you to this point. Do you think doing more of the same is going to get you to the end? I don't think so.
I know how hard this is. Believe me, I know. We all do. But she won't come back until she's ready. And the only thing you can do at this point is be the kind of person she would want to come back to. That involves working on yourself, not trying to manage her and your interactions with her. I know it's way easier said than done.

Here's my personal example:
I've realized that I give too much to everyone around me. I put *Everyone*'s needs ahead of my own. And the net result has been I'm left with nothing. So part of working on me is figuring out when do I get to be "selfish." When is my own well being more important?
I don't have the answer, but getting to the question was a big step for me.

What about you?

[daybyday]

Thanks Sparkls. I realize that all that I have been doing so far is to try and win her back. That does no good for me emotionally. It kills me as a matter of fact. I have to set some boundaries with WAW and try and move on and stay busy. GAL.

I need to take my balls back, pardon my French. Somehow W has got them now due to me letting her take them. She wanted out. Not me.
Sometimes we get blinded by past feelings and good times and it clouds what is really going on or the hurt WAS are causing now. Its coming to grips with that that is the tough part.

I have vacation all this week and have scheduled stuff nearly every day with friends and family. Going to try to limit contact with W. She has really had no time to miss me what with her calling and texting and coming over. If I can stay in the mindset and think about what she is doing to our family I can do this. That mind slip back into the past is the obstacle.

It sounds like you are getting to that better place Sparkls. Good. You deserve it and have great times ahead I am sure of it.

[daybyday]

Dropped S13 off at WAW apt. Did not go in and had him text me when he was in. Sandi advised this and I agree and am going to stick to it.

I get a call from S13 wanting to know if he could come get the PS3 and take it over there to W apt. I said ok. Just trying to stop the interaction with W but I wasnt going to deny my son.

W comes in and proceeds to start conversation. Asked me what I did today etc. I was very vague as it really is none of her bees wax. She then needed to go to bedroom and get a robe of hers. I had just replaced my favorite pic of her with a large pic of my son. I know she had to see it.

I was eating while they came and I continued to do so. They went to the door and she said "we'll see ya". I said "Bye" and took another bite. She kinda got a little sheepish like "wonder why so cold". I hope that was good DBing.

[Sparkls]

I'd give you my stamp of approval.
For whatever that's worth :-p

[daybyday]

It's worth a lot. thanks Sparkls.