The last time I really spoke with XW was about 18 months ago when she was hinting that she might want to R. She kept asking what *I* thought. I thought I handled it very tactfully, not pining, but interested in R. She then acknowledged there had been a number of me, months of black out drinking, and it turns out that OM was passed out in her (our old) bed as she was texting me...and that she was drunk as a skunk. The next day she attempted suicide. I found her phone and it had nasty messages to her friends saying things like 'great, I drunk texted Zues last night, now I have to start pushing him away again', etc. And from the moment she was out of the hospital it was full steam ahead on the D, any pretense of friendship was about to manage me to avoid risk of losing the children or her image as the 'good one', and she has played the D game like a champion, feeling entitled to be able to do whatever she wants without consequence.
I wrote a bit on ItHurt's thread right now. Yes, I am hurt by this. No, I want nothing to do with it. So to answer your question, no, I don't speak with XW. We email maybe 1/week in strictly kid/schedule related stuff, emails with no greetings or sign offs, but simply business content. If she speaks to me when I pick up the kids it will be brief, "D 5's eyes have been bothering her, FYI", and I will give an "alright".
Angry/withdrawn/punishing, or hurt/disgusted/boundaries? It's a slippery slope. I don't want to be angry or punishing, nor hurt or disgusted, so I stay withdrawn. I'm trying all of this on for size. Not really sure about all of that. But I do know that I don't want a relationship of any kind with someone like this. If she uses this to prove to herself that I am not marriage material, good for her. Anyone that destroys a marriage and uses the boundaries I set to protect myself from her destruction as proof I'm a bad apple is welcome to their opinion. And, if you read ItHurts's post, I don't see that being buddies will change anything. Your H doesn't want to be married. That is about him, not you, because you didn't make him into someone that believed in divorce, HE did.
Sorry, I guess I've been in some pain this morning. Had odd dreams last night of XW, in them she had new kids of a different ethnicity. Can't remember any more. Clearly I still hurt, heck yes, I loved XW and wanted to remain married, but upon filing D she became the woman that murdered my wife and destroyed my family. I am working on letting go of that anger and forgiving, but that is a process and is for me, either way she doesn't belong in my life.
Not the path I'm recommending you follow, just answering your question.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
