Gwen, I'm glad you returned to post an update. You have to be so proud of your children. They've accomplished so much since their father flew the coop.
Gosh, those rose colored glasses such do us in when they finally do come off. I do agree w/kml, it's not you or your children, it's something going on w/him that he doesn't have any contact w/them. Some of these crisis people just disappear and are never seen or heard of again. It's sad...he's lost out on so much of their lives and he can't get that back ever again. Sure, the photos, the write ups, etc. are there, but it's not like actually living in the moment and sharing those times w/them.
Maybe he keeps you on the health insurance because he feels guilty for what he's done. Then again, maybe he doesn't realize you are still on it. It could be the "tie" to you that he still needs, but then again, no one can really say why they do the things that they do.
As for the ow, she's happy just to have him there w/her for now. Maybe he doesn't file for divorce because it's an excuse not to marry her. Then again, if you aren't rocking his boat, he may very well continue as he is right now for a while. If they aren't pressured to come home, etc., many of them can go on w/life and not think about divorce. Again, it's crazy the way that they think.
I don't think we will get the closer that we are looking for. We have to find a way to make "a closure" that will work for us. I've been here a long time and I didn't receive the closure that I needed. Sure, I got a half hearted apology for the things he did while married to me, but not the affair or his monstering during the separation/divorce. I finally accepted that I would never receive a true apology and went on w/my life...but there is still that little niggling desire to hear "I'm sorry". Maybe I'll get it on his or mine own death bed. Wishing thinking? Probably and that's okay.
I'm glad you quit your job. If it was a job you didn't particularly care for, then you did the right thing. Working a job should be something that you enjoy and be recognized for the work you do and not be treated as a piece of furniture. It's difficult enough to deal w/the many personalities, but to watch how others are treated and know that the employer probably doesn't care about its employees is depressing.
I am so happy to read that you and your girls are going to Europe. You will enjoy yourself. Do you know what countries you will be visiting?
Gwen, please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
