I getting so confused, the support here is telling me one thing and it feels like my IC is telling me another. This was my latest response from him:
So you were not able to push through with the meeting with your wife because you were doing a course at work... and you just asked her to write to you. So what could have been a chance to show her your new self and rekindle old flames, turned out to be something that raised her ire even more.
I wouldn't know what she is so angry about. But I do know that ​the leading cause of anger is a person’s environment. ​Factors such as stress, financial issues, abuse, poor social or familial situations, and overwhelming requirements on time and energy can all contribute to the formation of anger. Anger issues may be more prevalent in individuals who were raised by parents with the same disorder. ​Would you say your wife's childhood was one in which anger might have been prevalent in her environment? ​Genetics and ​the body’s ability to deal with certain chemicals and hormones also play a role in how ​people deal with anger​.​How old is your wife now? Would you say she may be experiencing some hormonal changes?
​It is a big challenge on your part to live with a resentful or angry person​, as you need to be aware to keep from becoming one yourself​.There is also the challenge of trying to get her to change.​In this case, your demeanor is more important than the words you use​. You must be convinced that you and your family deserve a better life and be determined to achieve it. It is important to see your ​wife not as an enemy or opponent​​,​ so you must always approach her with compassion,​ try to refrain from being combative.
Maybe the reason why she was upset was because she tried to reach out to you but she felt rejected... So I guess it will not harm if you open up to her and show interest in partnering with her to provide a healthy home environment for your children. Your children are the link that keeps you connected, so you ought to make this a common ground where you can agree and cooperate.
Hope this helps...
I know there is an element of overlap and I feel his approach would be seen for a WAW, it just seems to be a little conflicting to a WW. As I have read here, she needs to feel some rejection, that I don't just bow down to her whim, that she needs to feel that I'm not always available when she reaches out.... Any thoughts as I am a little confused.
