pain is numb , feeling stronger

[Painter]

You have been very strong. It's natural to have bursts of sadness and tears. We have lost something very big in our lives, it's like a death, and in some ways much worse.

Be kind to yourself and let the tears flow for a while. There are stress hormones in tears that are released when you cry, so you feel better and more relaxed afterwards. Maybe distract yourself with a funny movie or some upbeat music or intense sports, and notice how our feelings can change within minutes...