NYGal, your W is like my xh, except for the being sorry part. Every time I go dim enough or am going to drop the rope, he reels me back in by saying or doing things that make me spin.

To give your W the benefit of the doubt, she sounds like she loves you more than my xh has ever loved me. If he ever loved me, that is. And you two really sound like you had a great relationship before this. Which is a strong plus point.

I can't remember if you have ever told her that you love her but you won't be in an open M? This is one way of showing W the road home. And while you shouldnt cling or pursue, that's not to say that you shouldnt accept her invites.

As and when you do, you must act as if. As if you know that you're going to be fine whatever the outcome of your sitch. As if life is so great that it will be W's loss if she chooses OW. Show W what she's missing out on if she chooses the OW.

And you must learn to reign in your expectations or the urge to pressure her into making a choice. This is what your interactions with W should be for- purely to show her that you are a better option than the OW. Not to pressure her. Because she will run away. With the knowledge that you are still at square 1 waiting for her. And she will not have the impetus to want to go back to you.

You have to be light and breezy. Be the OW of the OW.Flirt if you are strong enough to but then hold back a little like you're not sure if you want to take this further with W. You must start to feel in control.

Your W doesnt seem to be at the stage where she's really sorry for what she's done because from what I have read, this is when the WAS snap out and start doing things to repair the R.

Heck, in my sitch, for the 2nd failed R, my xh was the one who stated that he would have to end the R with the TP. Of course he couldnt carry it through and the pre-db me couldnt stfu.

So NYGal, what they are saying is true. The WAS have to get onto the pave leading to home. Even if we force them onto the path, they'll still have to walk that journey.

You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.