Feeling lost

[1313]

Thanks to all for the previous replies.
Been finding the last few days quite difficult, but, I've not let up with the DBing so I haven't instigated contact or done anything clingy.

The GAL is going ok but struggling with the anger I have towards the W now. I never let it show or spill over when we are together but how do other members deal with this?

srt - not to sound totally cliché but it really is one day at a time. Be careful as to how/where you vent too.

My WAW was accusing me of reading her emails, etc. and as it turns out I should have realized this meant she was projecting and reading mine. I had already moved out, but neglected to realize that they had an IT person get through my password at a computer at her office, and she was keeping tabs of everything I was saying/doing. Unfortunately, all of my friends are hours away, so I converse with one via email. I vented - boy did I vent almost to the point of having fun with it. I used language and said things I would never say to a human being - but she saw it.

Although I now know she can no longer read my messages I've stopped, because even that was wrong. I've been working very hard on forgiveness. Because that will free me up from these emotions. If she actually practiced what she preached (you can go see my thread for history) then it would be even easier.

I have to admit though, I spend more time being sad and guilty rather than being angry, except when I'm being attacked. I've lost my friends, I've lost my family, I've made some terrible mistakes.

All I can really do is improve for myself, take care of my Mother (no kids) and look to a brighter future. If the WAW becomes part of that great, if not, great. The truth will out eventually, and the poison that the WAW has injected in everyone will either continue to take hold, or not.

Unlike you, I have zero contact with my WAW, for a while I had her proxy in the form of her assistant, but even that is pretty much over. I hadn't seen the WAW for 2 months, until court last week. Before you see her, practice meditating, deep breathing - any exercises you can to free yourself of these thoughts, because even your body language will tell her how you feel.

Continue doing what you're doing, because more of it is for you than you know.