Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Alright, I'm moving into the separated stage SOON. I would like some advice from the vets. I've been looking at a lot of old threads for the last couple of days. It seems to me that over the last few years most people are advising a very tough love approach in their thread comments. I full understand that there's a difference between the WW and the WAW. The threads I see pre 2010 seem to be a little more compassionate of the WAS. I truly believe that my wife is more towards the WAW type. Only reason I say that is that the WW seems to be a lot more self centered and completely irresponsible. My wife has paid off all are debt in the last 4 months. Agreed to move out because she is fully aware she can't pay the mortgage and bills at the house. I've told her we need separate accounts instead 1 that she suggested and seems to be ok at the moment with it. I just want to give my self the best chance at reconciling my marriage. I understand attachment is more then just saving my marriage, it's about saving my life. I still want to be a safe place for my wife to come to if she chooses. I know I probably need to do the LRT at this point, but I don't want to come off as a total dick.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
I am struggling with the difference myself. I am proceeding to be friendly, but no texting her or no calling her. Very limited contact. She has texted me or called just about everyday for a week since S. I take some calls, I let some go. If it's important, she can leave a message. I answer most texts with basic short and sweets.
My detachment is getting better. The first week is gonna suck like you have never felt. But, and its a big but, it does get better.
On the advice of others and by my own choice I rearranged some furniture, closets, dressers, etc. I am trying to proceed like M is already over. I hope that it's not, but it helps me detach. Just remembering that your W is not the gal you married.(at this particular time). She may return, but there will be lots of work to do on LBH part.
I am no expert, just a short timer trying to help anyway I can.
WW wife is actively in EA or PA. WAW is just tired and done with M. But I believe that they all have some wayward tendencies or they wouldnt walk out on their families.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
WW wife is actively in EA or PA. WAW is just tired and done with M. But I believe that they all have some wayward tendencies or they wouldnt walk out on their families.
Agreed
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
WW wife is actively in EA or PA. WAW is just tired and done with M
Listen men, a woman does NOT have to be in an A to be wayward!! Get your dictionary out and look up the word wayward.
JB, you tell yourself whatever you want, but it doesn't change things about what she is or is not. But I will warn you that just b/c you have not seen any evidence of an A does not mean she's not cleaver enough to keep it hidden until she gets out of house and has you in a safe distance.
So now, did you ever read any of those books I recommended? That would be a positive action.....and one that you can control.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok I looked up wayward. Yes she fits the description. Yes I read the book NUTS as suggested. Good read. I'm trying sandi and I truly believe you know your stuff. I guess my hardest part of this situation is that she not only my wife, BUT THE MOTHER of our children. I feel guilty in that aspect.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
I'm starting to realize for the first time today that I've been focusing way if not all my thoughts on the affair or non affair that my wife is having. Bottom line is my ego is being jeopardized, because if she's is or isn't having a affair I must be inadequate. This is complete bull [censored] and I need to get over my insecurities. I feel like that character off Saturday night live. " I'm good enough , I'm nice enough, and gosh darn it people like me".
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
