I am in a similar sitch but I am the one having to move out so that my ex and kids can come home as she doesn't want to live with me and wants her home back with no stress of having to talk to me about the divorce or marriage.
I think feelings for some of these women can be switched on and off to suit. Sure, the long periods before a separation can build resentment and hurt for them. I think that if they have managed to detach then their is nothing you can do except allow them to suffer a loss. It may be a financial issue or that the kids get too much for them. Rarely is it a longing for their lost partner. I found that my W managed to erase every good memory of the marriage and focused only on justifying her exit and getting what she wants.
You cannot fight her or reason with her so however painful and crazy it all seems, you have to start rebuilding yourself. I don't believe in this going back to being the man she met idea, you have changed as a person in many ways since you met your W so it's time to look at a new, improved you. I would advise to keep channels of communication open and listen to her selfish needs without speaking about yourself unless asked. You will find that she already knows or thinks she knows how you must be feeling and it's just a boring her now. I second Sotto...mix things up a bit.
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
