So Much Time is Passing By Pt. II

[Zues126]

I wonder if I'm crazy or delusional at this point b/c I feel like you may be telling me to give up, but please correct me if I'm wrong.

Absolutely not. I am simply saying that it is hard to tell neediness from commitment sometimes. Sometimes people that say they are committed to M change their tune 6-12 months down the road when they no longer 'feel' in love with their WAS, when they no longer 'need' them to feel good in their life, and when they are angry. So I guess what I'd say is that you can tell true commitment when the only feelings remaining are negative. But I believe you are one of them based on your last post (quoted below).

One warning bell that goes off is when you use the phrase 'giving up'. Everything I say from here on I've said before, but I can never remember who's read it, so here goes. What does "giving up" mean to you? What would you do differently if you "gave up"?

If giving up means rebounding, burning bridges with WAS, etc, then NO, don't give up.

But if giving up means letting go, accepting your M is dead, rebuilding yourself, grieving, moving forward with your focus on you, detaching, GALing, and focusing on 180s for YOU to be the best you can be...then I am a BIG FAN of giving up.

They are different. And I think most people are afraid of doing what they should because they feel like it's giving up. And, to my first point, they're afraid that if they let go of their loving feelings they will never R. But if you're truly committed to M then you can have faith that you can let your love die off, knowing that feeling love is just a feeling, and that it can be rebuilt if the opportunity arises appropriately.

Most newcomers need help letting go. In fact, my biggest breakthrough came when I decided to 'give up' and accept my life as it was. I still remember the post because I got in trouble with Mr. B

I hate the Divorced guy/gal stigma also. I keep thinking of the movie, Eat, Pray, Love and how I am that woman right now.... just out there "rebuilding her life" and "rediscovering her true self." They glamorize this life like people can just snap out of it and move on if they take an international vacay and sleep with a bunch of ppl. But ppl don't see what happens at night, on the weekends and in the mornings when the loneliness sets is.

This is tied in my mind for the worst thing in this universe (along with people that surf their phones while they're hanging out with you). The idea that D is a natural stage of growth, like childhood, school, college, work, marriage, family, divorce, rebirth, growth, bloom into independent new-age 2nd generation human being that is too wise to accept a relationship that doesn't jive with their sophisticated lifestyle.

The social endorsement of divorce is the biggest social epidemic facing our culture today, and I pray that, like slavery, in 100 years people will look back and shake their heads that we used to destroy our own families voluntarily.

Don't get me started Hope. Don't do it. Don't let Zuessy get rolling on this topic. I will take a deep breath. There. There it goes. I'm ok again. Another breath. There's a book I like on my bookshelf. And over there is a stick of gum that would be enjoyable to chew. And tomorrow I can shoot some pool with my friend. And Sunday I get my kids and can read to them about when Gandalf encounters the Balrog. Breathing. I'm ok now. I really am. You all are invited. Join me in my happy place...;)