I have a question about the spaces where WAS used to have their stuff. How did you all do with that? I am reluctant to use the closet space, vacant dresser drawers etc. for thinking that if she were to come over for something that she would see my things there and think that I have moved on already. What do you all think? It is symbolic to me but it is easily undone.
Why are you still in that frame of mind, worrying that she will think you have moved on? She needs to believe that you are moving forward, and doing just fine without her. I think it would be a fantastic idea to move your things to the empty spaces. She needs to get the message loud and clear that she has set you free and so you are available to do whatever you so desire. She left the home you provided for her, so she has no right to expect you to keep her spot vacant........ just in case.
This may not be how you feel, but I am trying to tell you what the WW has to realize, in order for her thought process to start working normal again. Believing she could lose you, could be the best formula to jump start that process. But as long as she thinks you are home pining away for her..........she feels smug and secure.
I am going to say this to all H's who have a WW. As long as guys play "melty man" (as Starsky would say), they will live in their own prison of fear. They will always fear what the W may think! Those guys will continue to be at the mercy of their manipulative WW. They may call it by names such as "being friends", "cooperation", "standing", "doing it for the kids", "co-parenting", or whatever description they wish to call their melty-man ways, but it all boils down to the fact he has the nice-guy syndrome. I am not saying those examples I listed are wrong. I am saying that a lot of nice-guy types hide behind them. And for the record, we do have men on this board who do not have the NGS, yet have a WW. So all LBH'S are not nice-guys, just to clarify........it just seems the majority are.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
