Getting out of in house S (8)

[otw]

I understand and tried he same things. The sooner you just act like she is gone the better. I went through a rough patch when she left. I could have prepared better for it by not trying to make the best of times while we were still living together.

[daybyday]

Hey vise. I'm just about to the one week mark of our S. That first day is rough. Especially with no kids and a quiet house. But, the tension that is there now because you two are still in house will be gone. She will get her space and you will too.

Let her have her space and time to think. I have done very well with this so far thanks to support from here. My waw calls or text's me nearly everyday about something related to items in her new apt. Sometimes I take the call, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I text back, sometimes not.

They need to be able to miss us if they are going to. I am no veteran of S and many others have given great advice. Just trying to relay what I have tried. I am trying to proceed with my life as if the M is over and I'm starting new. I miss W like hell. But unless she did the S she would always wonder, as would I, if M is worth saving. You both will at the very least be able to breathe when she is gone.

[otw]

day
that is exactly what i told myself. she has to move out to see if this will work or not. there was no way going a long the way we were anything would get better.

I need to update my thread, but we have a lot of interaction lately. not sure what to take of it, but there is nothing relly worth noting so i just keep letting things play out and see what happens

[daybyday]

I agree otw. Lots of interaction tends to get you hopeful but mindreading is no good for us. My W relied on me for most of her decision making and now she is on her own but still wanting help. I will give it suits my new life but if not, she must figure it out. I have not gone NC yet as I have no confirmed A. But we all know that's a very possible reality and I will deal with if and when it's discovered. Sorry vise, didn't mean to hijack.

[vise82]

Hey Day & OTW

Thanks for your support.

W just emailed me to called her and so I did about n hour later. THis is after two emails to me about of course, sale of the house and kids.

Well she is busy at work and talked to me about the house stuff, more showings. She wanted to confirm with me so that she didn't have to say to the interested buyers that she didn't know and would have to check with her husband.

I was thinking Ha, you just called me your husband. I know doesn't mean anything.

But she is also not going to be around for the showings because she will be away one night for a bachelorette party this weekend. So I have to deal with the unknown that comes with those type of parties.



And the second was scheduling for the kids, I have to use vacation time to drop off the kids for her at school.

She also told me that she is stressed out and ready to die with what is happening at work and with the house stuff. I just validated.

There is little tension at home now, We did have some arguments about the S agreement but that was me asking questions and her getting mad that I am asking anything.

For the most part we are past that. We can see where we are going and just waiting for it to all fall together.

This time apart thing to see if the MR is worth saving and she cant realize that until we are S is something that will get me through this weekend as she drinks it up and parties. This is one of those tests. One of those things you have no control over. But its one of the times you hope that if there is any love for me its enough to at least stop her from doing anything she would regret later.

[daybyday]

I hear ya. The wondering "what is she doing"s is a killer. Sometimes it consumes my thoughts but I am getting better. This will be my WAW first weekend without kids so my thoughts will wonder to what she is doing etc. Ugh!

[Vapo]

Guys, it's best to keep the mind occupied and not wonder what she is doing, because the fear in us only grows the longer you feed it. I know what you are saying, if only she would not meet another guy and do anything inappropriate. If only...

But in her mind she is done with the marriage and will do as she pleases. I know you guys are clinging to every little ounce of hope, like every day you wake up and pray she would "snap out of it", and see, that true love burns in your heart. Do not hold your breath. Vast majority do stray and I do know that it hurts like a SOB when it happens and we had hoped it would not...

What I am trying to say (and I know I come across like a jerk), do not grow expectations (any expectations), but do have hope. You will find a wonderful place, when you stop caring where she is, what she is doing or who she is doing it with. This is what we call DETACHMENT. And it is an awesome place to be, complete serenity, instead wild raging hurricane roller coaster ride you are on ATM. I do hope I have outlined detachment in a clear enough way.

Stay strong friends...

[daybyday]

Very well said Vapo. Can I get a t shirt with that word DETACHMENT on it?

[pinn]

Just echoing Vaps words. You have to find something to occupy your mind. Wondering where she is or who she is with is pointless. I wish I could remember exactly how I overcame that, but I can't and it was never a real issue for me. I guess I realized that OM (if there was an OM, I assume so) was not the real issue. I also realized that I had zero control over it. I focused on trying to figure out my flaws instead and ways I could improve.

Vise, for the separation I think you just have to accept that it is coming. I thought things were going to be a lot worse for me once that happened, but it was actually better than living in the same house under those conditions. I think one important thing is to make your wife feel exactly what it will be like without you. For me, if/when we get divorced, then that is it, no more friendship, in fact, I would not be able to talk to her again. I want to make sure she feels what it will be like without me. She can work through her issues on her own since I do not interfere in anyway. I have seen movement lately though I am not sure where it will lead, but things have changed. The best part is that I have become detached enough where I am 100% fine with any outcome. I know for a fact I will be fine on my own... 9 months ago though I wasn't so sure.

You got this..

[vise82]

Hey,

After all that was said above and W comes home after her bachelorette party she went to. The first thing I notice is she is wearing a heart necklace that I bought her years ago.

She hasn't wore it in years. I didn't say anything but oh do I want to point it out.

She is feeling the pain from too much drinking and left to pick up some home remedy stuff.

Before she came home she texted me and it was about how bad she is feeling from all the drinking. I validated and STFU.

I guess it will be the same tonight, I have soccer, and just keep my distance. Its just so hard to not have hopes up right now, necklace is too much. I feel like she is wearing my heart... anyway, It might mean nothing to her. I even had to check her fingers, but still no ring there.

No expectations, detach and keep doing what I am doing if it works.