surrealism is not my style

[ciluzen]

Yes, Hope. There are some.
I've been reading a lot about MLC and male depression. Men tend to hold their depression in due to our ideas as a society that it is not manly to "emote". Then they end up acting out in other ways; violence, emotional and physical abuse, addictions, affairs, running away...
MLC is really, at its heart, depression. The male, who feels pressure not to confront or talk about his feelings, has become worried about aging and where he is in his life. Often this is triggered by stressors (a death, a job change or loss, a move, a child leaving). The depression is there, often due to or exacerbated by childhood issues, but never recognized or confronted. He then feels the need to run from the things that are causing him pain, usually misidentified and associated as the one's closest to him; wife and family (and the responsibility and pressures inherent in these R).
MLC behavior then insues. Running, trying to relive the good time in life (usually early twenties),trying to look younger, etc. At some point this doesn't work or gets too exhausting. The depression makes ts way to the surface. They may still try to mask it with drugs, alcohol, affairs, overwork. But until they work through the core of the problem (or seek help to) and recognize that it is within them, they can't quite get through it.
I'm not saying we as the spouses are without blame in the R issues. We need to recognize our own issues and understand how our actions and reactions might have affected our H's behaviors and feelings. But we can only work on ourselves and gain understanding of our dynamic. We can't control what H does.

Right now, my husband has thrown himself into work. He has already given up on party hardy twenty year old with the skinny jeans, personal trainer, highlighted hair, and body building supplements and is looking exhausted and haggard. He is sad. He still hasn't hit bottom. I don't know if he will.I don't know if our impending D will lighten his load or cause him to hit bottom. Its a wait and see. But I have to concentrate on me right now as there is not much of an us.

So, long story short; yes there are MLC's in their 30's. But depression can happen anytime. I Don't Want to Talk About It is a good read on male depression. DBing with an understanding of the underlying problem may help. Understanding is always helpful.It also makes it easier to focus on you by lessening the anger.