It's a weird mix of emotions - sometimes I feel empowered and strong that I can do that. Like I've got this double life I'm leading with this deep, dark secret - especially since I wear my wedding rings every, single day. Other times, I feel delusional and downright pathetic. Sometimes if I'll bring it up to some unsuspecting person that I interact with regularly and they are extremely surprised. For instance, I told my boss I'm having M trouble and she says she can't even tell on b/c I'm professional and have been crushing it at work. So thats good. I feel like maybe I tell random ppl about it sometimes b/c its a weird form of validation or ego boost - like hey, look at what I'm going through. I'm really strong right?!"
I think I told my friend yesterday, "I just want to feel wanted and needed." Guess I'm reaching anywhere for that. But it just popped into my head that I can't allow that to be a "selling feature" of HopeRB.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
