Still hoping for progress II

[daybyday]

My second day without S13. Yesterday was a little rough. Waking up to an empty house is gonna be quite an adjustment. I get him back sat and sun. Been trying to keep busy grocery shopping, getting clothes that actually fit my shrinking body. ha.

WAW texted me yesterday to ask if I wanted to help her move a couch and chair that someone is giving her into her new apt. What was the answer she wanted? "Oh yes. Please can I help you furnish the place where you will be living without me". Really?
I told her sorry, I won't be able to. She thanked me anyway.

Thinking back on our good times really saddens me but these WAS are not the same people and they may never be. I have been doing great as far as NC. She has initiated contact almost every day about something trivial.

This is a long uphill battle we are on.

How do you guys deal with facebook? We are still friends and I used to be the witty poster who people now say they miss. I feel that if I go back to doing those posts that she will see and think that I am okay with moving on and validate her leaving and proceeding with D. Am I overthinking this? What do yall think?

[Vapo]

Delete, unfriend the W and enablers, or at the very least unfollow and hide their posts...

[pinn]

I blocked WW as soon as she took down 'married' from FB. I unfollowed mutual friends who leaned closer to her (luckily there were not many of those). This helped me stay away from her page, haven't looked at it since August I think.

The one odd thing I didn't do was unfollow or delete her family. That was tough for me... I love them a lot and they never treated me any differently after BD. I didn't see much about her from them and I am sure whatever they saw about me was being fed back to her. I wasn't a big FB user in terms of posting stuff but I get tagged in pics and comments. I think it was good for them to see me living my life and I think the fact that my WW could not check up on me herself was good.

[GWH]

Yeah when my W first moved out she changed it to separated then here just the other day she deactivated that account and opened a new one in here maiden name. My son told me this. because she had me blocked. I never really did much on FB anyways. DBD i would do what was said above block her, and all enablers.

[daybyday]

Thanks guys. I'm not at the point of going that hardcore yet. I don't doubt that I will reach that point especially if A is discovered. But at this point why would I burn that bridge? It is a trivial thing I know but this whole process is like a spiderweb. Each strand is another problem with a potential solution to solve. So keep tearing it down one strand at a time.

[daybyday]

Only near a week into this S and I've come to realize a few things already. I really miss my W. There a lot a chores around this house that I took for granted that W did. It would so be easier with two. I did more dishes and laundry than most H according to WAW. But there is so much more. Changing sheets, cleaning b-rooms. To me that is still not an "off the hook for bailing" reason though. If she would have ask directly for help, ii would have gave. I know this isnt the reason she left but i bet it didnt help. I believe God has many lessons for me to learn through this process whether I get the chance to R or not.

I forced myself to the gym after work and was scrolling my ipod for songs. I couldnt find any that didnt remind me of W. Finally settle on one of my faves by the Clash. Stand By Me. OMG! Listen to the lyrics if you get a chance. Had me in tears it hit so close to home. I hope I can make it to the end of this rollercoaster ride because right now I just want off.

[CWOL]

Yep, I'm looking at that too in a few weeks.
Luckily I have maid service coming (my WW is really spoiled), that will take some of the pain away. Still I am worried about the loneliness I will have in the house when she moves out.

[Thornton]

Hey D,

It's rough. I hate going home because we just bought the house and accomplished a big goal we had. It's a different kind of quiet that I've never experienced before.

It just takes time and a lot of it to find a new routine but you will.

Everything you are feeling is normal. I'm told it's similar to coming off drugs because the chemicals in the brain are so messed up.

Just take a deep breathe and allow yourself to feel everything. It's the only way through it. The pain will subside and then it will knock you to your knees again.

I struggle with constant reminders too... Songs, places, memories, text messages, inside jokes. It's brutal.

Hang in there and just make it through today.

[daybyday]

Thanks CWOL and T. Yeah we are all in this together and will learn from each others mistakes and gains. One day at a time.

So you're saying I'm a love junkie Thornton? Maybe codependency was my drug of choice. Some of these terms and skills and behaviors, i would never given a second thought to. But, the more I learn and understand myself, the more I realize that it is not hogwash. It's real and needs to be corrected if not for this M but for my next R.

[Thornton]

Yep. Im the poster boy for codependency. It's rough stuff. Like you, I am learning lots and how my patterns have created so many issues for me in all my relationships.

You have the gift of time. Use it to your advantage.