It can take a long time, upto and possibly beyond 2 years before the S "snaps out of it" and even then, they could start the cycle all over with another R to fill the void of the previous loss. There is no guarantee that they will come back or ever break their cycle.
It is very hard to hear and accept that, it is unfortunately the truth. So all we can do is live our lives the way that is best for us and in turn everyone our lives affect.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
When a wayward enters into an A and the other party is willing. The type of person a wayward encounters has issues, alcohol, partying, etc. Damaged in one way or another, may be a cheater, liar or other type.
I once analysed 100 OP from the site and all of them (bar two) were scums. Of the two that weren't, one OP didn't want to be an OP and another was lied to by the wayward.
Doesn't stand much of a chance does it? One out of control wayward and a scum bag!
The OP is chosen because of ease of proximity and availability.
Spell break is when the wayward has a glimpse of the truth. A truth dart, being faced with reality (reality bites) or the scuzzy or scum does something exposes their weakness. A lie, an affair, an STD or drink, anger and hurt.
Seems to take between 18 months and 24 months for spell break. Limmerance to die.
That's as I see it, hope it helps.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks V. That does help. It also explains a lot and how it will fail. WW is not into alcohol and OM drinks. He is 38 and does not even have his own apartment. It would appear as though his life revolves around partying. WW is not. It appears that he may have been married twice before too. Like I said before, I cannot see it lasting. The issue I could see getting me in trouble is if he is abusive. I cannot stand for a guy who is abusive and despite the DB techniques if she or one of the kids were to call me about physical abuse I would have to go up and take care of him.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
So tomorrow S and I will head to NYC for the NCAA Wrestling. It is going to be a lot of fun. As this is my S's first trip (and mine in a long, long, time) I have scheduled and extra day and a half for us, to see some sights. So far I have:
Statue of Liberty Empire State Build Ground Zero/Freedom Tower Intrepid Muesum Madame Tsuao's (sp?) Wax Museum Lego Land Toys R Us
Am I missing anything. Is this something we can accomplish? Broadway show is out, S would be bored beyond belief there. We live in the country so Central Park will not impress him and I think the Zoo would take too long.
Also, I know WW used to like me to text pics of S when we did something special. Usually that was camps and pics with wrestling heroes. Good or bad idea to text some pics of S to her, like S from observation deck of Empire State or Statue of Liberty? I am kind leaning toward yes, cause I think she would enjoy it (me not in pics) but not sure if it would sound of pursuit?
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Here's a thought. Take them for your self and your memories of this trip with him, and let him share them with her if he chooses to do so. If she asks about them, then by all means share. Have a great time.
The only easy day was yesterday
Friends - 35 years Together -32 years Married - 29 years S - 26 BD - 11/11 S 7/12 Last visual contact 2/13 Last verbal contact 4/13
Is this one of your stepsons? It looks from your signature that they would both be old enough to send pictures themselves? Use their phone to take a photo and they can send it to their mother if they like.
Having been a tourist with just two days in NYC, I remember that the Statue of Liberty is a ferry trip, so takes quite a bit of time. Plan for plenty of transit time and some waits for the sights. I would probably cut your list in half, and go for unique things that he can't see anywhere else.
Have a great time!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Yeah the Statue of Liberty was kind of underwhelming. The M&M store is pretty cool (and near toys r us I believe). Give yourself time to just walk around Times Square and see how cool it is.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
Tim, have a great time. I'm with the others, you might cut your list in half as it sounds like you'd be running from post to post without a stop and might squeeze it all in. I'd allow time for distractions that present themselves.
I'd let your S share any pics or observations of the trip - but that's it. You can take all you want and share with him if you like.
Sounds like fun!
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
