I'm not surprised he didn't show. I'm truly sorry he didn't go. So, if he starts up again about counseling, I would suggest that he make the appointment and go. I think you handled the situation well and I know you really bit your tongue when you told him about it.

I might be wrong, but I don't think he forgot about the appointment. He's had ample time to reschedule things that were on his calendar or he could have advised the people he was meeting w/that he had another appointment. Sometimes they want things scheduled/done and then don't show up for a variety of reasons...but I bet anything, he was afraid of what the counselor would say and he didn't want to hear it. Again, I may be wrong...but he just doesn't give me the impression he forgot.

I would continue as you have been and next time he spews about your son, shut him down. You've gone above and beyond catering to him about this situation.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.