Weeding and watering

[mustardseed]

[quote]
And if that couldn't happen then I would rather justify the other person's actions so that I wouldn't feel mad, and therefore be frustrated that they weren't paying for what they did.[quote/]
what I meant to say here is that if I justified the other person's actions, I wouldn't be frustrated that they weren't paying for what they did, because I was probably to blame in some way.

I have learned now that it is ok to be angry. And while I might see someone else's POV, that doesn't justify their actions. WHat is not ok is thinking that I need to take matters into my own hands to right that wrong. I need to be accountable for my mistakes, not take on other people's. And being accountable doesn't mean taking the blame, it means understanding why I did what I did, and figuring out if there is a better way to do it next time. I am trying to think about what my end goal is before I act. Sometimes it isn't worth acting. Part of what helped me do this was that I was emailing my L every time H did something shitty. Each email cost $$. Everyone in my world agreed it was [censored], but my L (who is getting the $$) and the person who is helping me fund my L both said--what is your end game here? Yeah he is a dick--we already new that. But proving he is a dick is a waste of time and resources and really unnecessary. Figure out what you want, and devote the resources into making that happen as efficiently as possible. Period. I was distressed for about a week after that. And then I realized it was exactly the kick in the ass I needed.

He's a dick. Anyone who is worth anything already knows it, so why waste my precious energy trying to prove it. Those who don't know it yet have are not worth my time, or they have a roller coaster ride to hell waiting for them when he flips the switch on them. Not my problem. I am lucky to be on my way to being done with him.