Weeding and watering

[mustardseed]

I was never really good with anger. It is one of those emotions that I always talk myself out of, usually through some sort of self-deprecating process. I always felt like I didn't have a right to be angry, and when I did feel angry I never handled it well and would get in trouble. "Don't get mad" was told to me over and over again when I was a kid, while people pissed me off--on purpose. Maybe it is due to being a middle child that's what I blame all of my flaws on LOL.

With this sitch I was told to get angry over and over again. And then when I did I was told I was being irrational. My IC kept asking me why I wasn't mad, and then I would let myself get mad and things would get worse and I'd go back to her and tell her that getting mad doesn't work. That was when we figured out that I don't know how to get appropriately mad. To me getting mad meant I have to get revenge, I have to see the other person pay and suffer. And if that couldn't happen then I would rather justify the other person's actions so that I wouldn't feel mad, and therefore be frustrated that they weren't paying for what they did.

But I am learning to accept my anger as valid responses to what is happening, but to not let it consume me or make me bitter. I feel it. I pray about it. I trust God will take care of it. And I let it go. It is my anger, but it is not my wrong to right.

You should definitely try surfing again. I tried for the first time at 40! and it was invigorating. And no, I couldn't stand up either but it was still amazing! I think if I recall we live in the same neck of the woods. There is so much going on that is free or inexpensive, especially now that the winter is ending.

Meetup has so many fantastic groups that do hikes and dinners, and pretty much anything you ever wanted to try, or never thought to try. It has been my saving grace since my IRL friends are all busy with their own lives and my custody schedule makes it really hard to be available when everyone is ready to do something.

I have been catching up on your thread, though not fully caught up yet. I hope to see some GAL going on in there. And yes, you can GAL with your kids if child care is the issue--but if you are sharing custody, definitely take advantage of your me time. That time is for you to heal and to explore all of the possibilities.