Here goes nothin'....

[Cristy]

Hello Melo,

I'm glad the Catholic Men's Conference was awesome! Good for you on a great GAL activity. What was awesome about it?

Listen to Mr Bond and Thornton regarding not having your wife listen to the CD, or anything for that matter. She doesn't want to hear it and you would be pushing her further away by pursuing her with this info.

Did your DR book arrive yet? Keep that to yourself too. These are your tools so you can make sincere and long lasting improvements in yourself. Let your actions speak for themselves.

It would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Please call me to discuss our program at 303-444-7004.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[bigybiz]

Melo: My DB coach told me that since my wife is full of resentment anything I gave her to read she would be suspect of. In some rare cases if a friend gave it to her it might resonate - but don't count on it. I asked my W if she would read the chapter on WAW and she said she would. Luckily, I spoke to the coach first.

Regarding snooping. I was snooping like a jr spy in a bad movie. It did help for a while, I learned a few things and was able to "clear up" some misconceptions and was warned about some bad behavior. But, I still felt weird. So now I don't do it at all. It's tough, but I realize that's not the man I want to be and it's certainly not the man she would want. So I resist. It is part of the detachment that everyone here talks so much about. If there is comfort in knowing that I'm in the exact same boat.

Melo - I wish you luck and support.

[CWOL]

So I went to a Catholic men's conference today as part of GAL. It was awesome!! I picked up a CD about family and would love for my wife to hear it, one of the things that father says is that love is not a feeling, it's a commitment. I think it would be pretty obvious that that's the reason I want her to hear it. Thoughts?

Don't push her to listen to anything. It will just push her away.
I should know. Been there, done that.

[Melo]

Thank you! I can't begin to express how much everyone's words mean to me. I will take your words to heart.

[Melo]

Yes I got the DR book and am studying it like there's a test at the end. I think that I have messed up so much, for so long that it will be near impossible to fix my M...as I write this I am realizing that I don't really want to fix my old M. I want a brand new M, with my wife...not the crazy B!T$# that's occupying her body now. But the healed version that is attracted to this awesome, calm, cool, action oriented, secure man named Melo.

[HopeRB]

A bit late but I too have sent my H some sermons I thought he should listen too... And he did. He even asked me to send him a few once. But I've since stopped bc I agree, that's pursuing. But they've done a world of wonders for me and part of my 180s so there's that!

[broke]

I want a brand new M, with my wife...not the crazy B!T$# that's occupying her body now. But the healed version that is attracted to this awesome, calm, cool, action oriented, secure man named Melo.

Love this! I think we all feel exactly like this. Hope you feel like you have more of a plan of what to do and what NOT to do :-)

[Melo]

Yeah I am getting there. The situation is so fluid though that it's hard to get a solid grasp on it. I took my wife breakfast yesterday and she said % llbut she already ate. I was going to take it back with me, but she told me not to, that she would eat it for lunch. Well she ended up warming it up and eating it this morning! I thought I totally messed up and was pursuing too much, but I guess not? Maybe it's the DBing that I've been doing up to now that set it up for her to be more receptive...or maybe I'm looking too much into it. Anyways positive start to the day!

[Melo]

Ok so question if I got DR do I still need to read DB? Are they that different?

[CWOL]

Yeah I am getting there. The situation is so fluid though that it's hard to get a solid grasp on it. I took my wife breakfast yesterday and she said % llbut she already ate. I was going to take it back with me, but she told me not to, that she would eat it for lunch. Well she ended up warming it up and eating it this morning! I thought I totally messed up and was pursuing too much, but I guess not? Maybe it's the DBing that I've been doing up to now that set it up for her to be more receptive...or maybe I'm looking too much into it. Anyways positive start to the day!

Don't read too much into it.