My first post - please be nice.

[1313]

broke,
not to hijack collin's thread - but one thing I never got out of my W was an admission - not a straight-up one anyway. She denied it at every point, from the first ILYBINILWY to the BD. Even in counseling (which wasn't to do anything but tell me there was no chance) she told the counselor there was no A.

Yet, the text messages I found made it pretty clear - even if no smoking gun other than the fact she lied about her whereabouts and the texts were far friendlier than anything between the 2 of us.

The last day I talked to her I asked her to end it - and she laughed, telling me she was free and clear of me now that she filed for D and we were separated - besides it was none of my business. She was almost shocked when I told her I was waiting to be served and hadn't been - apparently she had it sent in the mail and then stuck it in the mailbox at my Mother's. My Mother promptly lost it. Maybe a momentary twinge of guilt that her "reason" was null and void.

Does that mean it was an EA that shifted to a PA once she thought she was "morally" free of me with a legal separation? Who knows. That doesn't explain a possible 2 weeks in Italy with the OM - but I've never pursued proof on that either.

Anyway, after I printed out a little love letter from her old email archive I've never heard anything since - I don't need to. Any A is bad, and I think an EA is far worse as it will only lead to a stable PA.

My W cheated on me before we were married, and I forgave her. Friends said I'd never be able to trust her again - they were wrong. Perhaps what they meant is I should never trust her again?

In collin's case - it sounds as if it's well worth finding out as it will make a huge difference because of his state's laws. CA being no-fault stinks, but that's where our society has taken us.

Collin, I'd check phone records, check texts - whatever you can lay your hands on. I do know there are programs out there that help in tracking on the computer, but I don't know much about those. I'm sure folks here could give you some pointers. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes at this point my friend.

broke - I do know that kids are a lot more in tune with what's going on with the parents than a lot give them credit for. Even if they don't outright see a message, they know something isn't right. Something is going on. I knew it when I was 10 with my Father.

I don't know if you talk to them about it - or leave them out of it until you've got something concrete to discuss with them. But I certainly don't see how you can't have an age appropriate discussion with them. IMHO deception on any level will just lead to problems down the road.